hello

i dont think i should even feel so bad. but im deppresed. i feel like im falling falling or rolling downhill painfully and it sucks. i can barely avoid the thoughts of suicide, when im eating, with friends, trying to sleep or any other moment at all. i just cant keep them out. im so afraid ill start to like them and eventually ACTUALLY love the thought of death. whats barely holding me in place is a caring girlfriend, the knowledge that i CAN get better and the mere thought that im human and i can BE.