So, I’ll start with some background information.
My name is Sarah, I’m 15, I live in the United States, have a rocky relationship with my parents, have one younger brother, and I’m struggling.
I’m struggling to keep myself alive. I’m struggling to feel confident and accept myself. But I’ve found something to help. Color guard. So what is color guard? It’s a team that spins and throws: 6ft long metal flag poles, solid blocks of wood in the shape of a rifle, and sabers (swords). And yes, it’s a sport.
I’ve been suicidal since I was 10 years old, so that’s a grand total of 5 years. I tried cutting, writing, painting, music – everything Ive been told helps. And yes, it does, but only in little situations. And then I tried color guard. I found my niche (if you will) – my own little place to escape.
In color guard, I have complete control of everything, and every time I drop a toss, or hit myself in the head I hear 12 other voices yelling “get it!” Or “you’ve got it!” And encouraging me to keep going. In color guard you all watch each other, and when someone else drops, or messes up a count, they help you get right back into it. Color guard is very honest, nothing is sugarcoated and it’s all very raw. So when you screw up and you hear 12 other voices telling you that you can do it, you know that they truly believe it.
That is what I think really helps, having others truly believe in you. And although they might not be your real family, they do become something like a family.
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I guess what I’m saying is that in order to heal, you need to fail, and when you fail, be surrounded by others who have done what you’ve done, and understand, and share that with you.
6 comments
Colour Guard sounds like a good way to pass the time. Unfortunately, attacking people with swords is frowned upon here.
You’re right. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you try something new. I am going to follow your advice but have to wait a little longer.
Oh, we do not attack people haha, it’s similar to baton twirling, instead we use flags, rifles, and sabers. I’m glad I’ve helped, hope to hear some updates from you soon!
-Sarah
Everyone needs a place where they feel accepted and appreciated, especially when they’re not on good terms with the people who are supposed to be closest to them. I’m glad you found yours. You remind me of my older sister, when she was in high school. She was quiet and unhappy. She joined the color guard too and really opened up and was a lot happier after that. Now she’s happily married with a baby on the way. And here I am now, the new black sheep of the family, haha.
Anyways, she managed to escape her teenage depression, maybe me and you will too. Just gotta try and hold on to hope.
Thank you, I’m glad your sister found what made her happy!
Just keep holding on,
Sarah
I’ve found something similar in rock climbing and hiking. I’ve found it’s not so much what you’re doing. But that you feel like you belong with the group. It takes some kind of luck to fall into the right spot. However, it is starting to seem like there’s a spot for everyone. Best of luck to anyone still looking for that spot.
Exactly! Everyone has somewhere they belong, you just have to be willing to go out there and find it!
-Sarah