I don’t feel like I’m in a good place right now. I don’t really remember ever feeling any particularly strong feelings towards anything, even when I have achieved something I wanted. Anything I would have considered a victory feels hollow.
I feel like I want to become close to somebody, I can picture myself talking to someone where we both know everything about each other and yet we pass no judgements. This could be because we know that we are in what is effectively a M.A.D situation and any sort of point scoring we could hope to achieve about each other could be instantly negated; and yet I don’t think I could really consider this on its own to be any form of intimacy (although that certainly feel like a suitable criterion).
I have lately spent a lot more time with other people than I am used to (not by choice), to the extent where I feel like I have a lot less to worry about than I have in the past, and yet it also feels like I am somewhat sick of people and their stupid shit (even though I don’t think that I have a good reason to understand why the things that I consider ” problems” aren’t also stupid shit).
I feel like I want something that isn’t necessarily tangible, but I still (rather annoyingly) frequently have been getting distracted by it lately. Is there anybody that has experienced the feelings mentioned before, and if so how did you attempt to move past them? Were you successful?
2 comments
If you’re having feelings about becoming close to somebody, that could be difficult to move past. At a certain point, you might run out of distractions. I’m assuming that you’re trying to move past them solely to stay on your own… and not because some negative situation has developed between you two. If there was some negative situation, my response would be a little different. In this case, you noted that you’ve spent more time than usual with other people lately so I’m assuming that you’re just trying to stay the course and avoid the stupid s**t you mentioned.
Is it a matter of hesitating to put the walls down? If there has been a previous negative experience with someone else, it’s hard to imagine that things with someone else could go a different way. They can.
Your title “What do you want out of life?” is probably a good question for you to answer. What do you want? What’s your timetable? If you know what you want and when you want it, the answer to your question might be easier deduced.
Thanks for replying.
I don’t think I ever have really been that close to anybody. I don’t understand what it is that makes people want to become close to someone (I don’t know if I am maybe too cynical about other people). I almost get the impression that when I have seen what I think is people becoming close in the past that the relationship is quite superficial. My only doubt of this is the fact that the vast majority of the general populace seem to manage anyway in spite of this possible limitation.
I always have brief times where I do in fact want something, but then a few days later I might not care about it at all. I don’t feel like I am misrepresenting my emotions or opinions at the time, and yet a few days later there is complete ambivalence. I don’t know how to maintain my strong feelings and opinions about things such that I can feel motivated to act on them for any later than the immediate future.
When I am drunk I have been able to re-kindle these strong feelings and opinions to some extent, but I still know that they will go away; that really the feelings that I have are probably the result of not being able to interpret a situation properly and that I’m probably just using faulty reasoning (even if I were to be capable of interpreting a situation properly).