Don’t really know how this thing works, but it appealed to me.  Considering I have absolutely no true friends I didn’t know where else to turn.  Do you guys just feel like no one understands you?  I feel so embarrassed when I try to talk about my depression because all I get are remarks telling me to toughen up, that things will only get better and I have so much to live for.  But, I don’t want to live anymore.
I have absolutely no friends. Â My family…well my family and I have grown apart. Â And my parents are loving and all, but I can’t help but feel like I will never make them proud. Â School…nursing school has just gotten to the point where I’d walk into the hospital and feel like I’m such a failure at all my exams and don’t know how I’d even qualify to be in those shoes. Â Sometimes I honestly miss walking around the psychiatric ward. Â Don’t know why.
And then there’s the ex. Â I’ve always had depression since I was about 13. Â I used to cut – you know, same old same old. Â I’d deal with my depression so it never really got too serious. Â Then I rekindled a romance two years ago with this middle school guy whom I’ve always had a thing for. Â I haven’t been depressed since.
Then two weeks ago I broke up with him.  And now I’m regretting my decision with every fiber of my being, and I can’t seem to get out of this depression I’ve dug myself into.  I’ve been crying non stop every day.  It gets so bad that I find myself fighting back tears randomly while on the subway.  I’ve been having to drink myself to sleep.  And I’ve started cutting again because it’s the only thing that stops me from crying hysterically while taking a bath.  This, coupled along with everything else in my life – I don’t want to live anymore.  I just don’t want to do anything anymore.  I’ve just lost any and all desire to continue living, and no one understands.
I don’t know anymore. Â Like I said, I’m new. Â I don’t know what to do/who to turn to anymore.
6 comments
cyanideandhappiness ,
stop cutting and turn to yourself, it’s not the end of the world! life is like that, relationships come and go, do your best be positive and other guys will want to hang out with you and you will find a new relationship, so be strong.
I know it’s not. But that’s not what the issue is. I’ve just lost all will to do anything anymore. I don’t want new relationships, I don’t want to be strong anymore.
cyanideandhappiness
I truly understand, but it’s either snap out of it or be miserable, we all feel like that, throwing in the towel will not make things better, it’s up to you to turn thing around, I deal with what your talking about ever day, if I give up the next step is good bye everybody! it’s not easy, but life is not suppose to be, it sucks, accept that and try to do your best it can only help, that’s better than being stuck in depression 24 hr.
Maybe it’s that you’re trying too hard. You’re worried too much. You’re worried and depressed about how other’s view you. What if you just completely surrender to not wanting anything. I know for me I get depressed by what others think of me. I should be doing this, that or the other thing. I’m this age and I should have achieved this status or made this amount of money. What happens if you just say, “screw it. screw them all”. Then take a long walk, get your body moving and surrender to what it is you’re feeling. Have a good cry and don’t fight it. Maybe roll with this depression and like a martial artist who doesn’t use force against force, but uses the opponents own force.
I don’t know the answers to anything really. Just running my mouth, which is always dangerous.
I hope you find some peace. Thanks for posting here. You have friends here. Welcome.
You’re absolutely right. I do worry too much. And I also get depressed about what others think of me, on top of everything else.
Granted, I’m sick and tired of crying. But, I like your attitude. I’ll try to take your advice. Thanks.
Anxiety is tough!