Since reading and responding to posts here I’ve noticed everyone fits into their own category of what depression means to them. While many have always been down with bullying, financial hardships, abuse or mental disorders, others have complicated combinations of all of it.
Personally, I’ve had a taste of plenty of the aforementioned issues. I’ve also been fortunate enough to bypass most of it for a long time. I had a great stretch of happiness (the most I’m capable of harnessing). Now I’m at the point of needing to rebuild and raising up from depths of the worst depression yet.
Knowing where I’ve been, what it took to get there, and the end result…..I’m not a fan. Part of me feels selfish because I know others aren’t as lucky as I have been, but the majority of me has had enough of this slippery slope.
Where’s the switch?
2 comments
*flails arms furiously*
…uhh…over there, somewhere!
Nah, I’m not sure where the switch is man. I’ve lived a charmed life; I’ve seen/done some crazy shit, loved and been loved and observed a snow-riddled armoured vehicle roll ‘up’ a hill. There are of course a many number of other escapades I’ve been involved in, nonetheless I am happy with what I’ve achieved thus far. I’d considered a period of reorganisation in my life to establish a firm footing – find my way ahead and the sort – but really I’m just tired now. My broken body and weary mind, the product of a couple decades worth of “no fucks given”, now too battered and beaten to ever move for’d.
I shall continue on for now, through the stars of the midnight ranges to the west.
Your words describe the thoughts on my mind for a while recently. While I am also one of those looking for the ‘switch’, I’m beginning to believe that there isn’t one that is accessible to us. What we can do best is to keep asking these questions and reflect it off like minded folk so that there is some hot air generated around the topic. But all that is said is not going to reveal the ‘switch’, rather all of life is just a journey in search of the switch. But then again, will it make a radical change in attitude if we just still ourselves and passively observe this urge in us to search for something. When I try that sometime it seems like we are the blessed ones for we know that this is just a futile search and yet choose to journey along whereas all the other ‘sane’ folk are so convinced about what they are searching for and do not realize that whatever they are pursuing is just a mirage. From dust we come and to dust we return, yet in the middle there’s all this drama as if all of existence depends on our search.
I’ve heard this story of how a blade of grass survives a storm better than a tree just because it is flexible and does not resist whatever external forces it has to contend with. Can we adopt such an attitude in life and not resist whatever comes to us?
I know I’m making it look so easy that just some philosophical standpoint is going to make all of the misery disappear. But that’s all I have to offer and share….hope. Without it I would not be here after all that I’ve gone through in the last couple of decades since being diagnosed variously.