Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of weight due to my depression. 40lbs in 4 months. I not really sure why I don’t eat. It’s not like I’m not hungry. I make a meal, eat half of it, put the rest in the fridge. The next day, I eat like half of the half and put it away. The next day I eat another half of a half of a half. I throw the last 1/8th of the meal out then. I try to force myself to finish, but it feels like I’m going to be sick if I take another bite.
Then I also get the daily comments from co-workers. Losing weight seems to be a magnet for conversation, weight gain, not so much.
“You’ve lost some much weight!” Men will end the conversation there with a “good job†or “good for you.†Women on the other hand always have to pry further. I guess they think I’ve discovered the holy grail of weight loss or something. “What’s you secret?†they always ask. I reply with the standard “diet & exercise.†But some of these women aren’t satisfied with that, they want specifics! At that point I just say that it is in fact a secret. If they are perceptive, they assume I’m sick. (I was about to digress into whether depression is really a sickness/disease, but I’ll save that for another post.) Else they think I’m holding back and will try again in a few days.
I guess it is one symptom of the depression that I can’t really hide. I just rely on the fact that sudden weight loss does not imply depression in most peoples minds, at least I hope it doesn’t. I’m not going to come out and say I’m depressed. I guess I could try it one time. “My secret? It’s called a double depression, and I don’t recommend it!†Ah, but if I say it to the wrong person, it could get out around the office, or I could end up with another tie to this world, which I really don’t want at the moment.
Or I can be an asshole and tell them it’s none of their business. If it wasn’t a co-worker, I would agree. But I see more benefit in maintaining a positive working relationship with co-workers.
Navigating this social world while trying to keep my depression hidden is such a challenge sometimes. Meh who am I kidding, it’s a challenge all the time.
5 comments
Good job, good for you!! I’ve never had a weight problem either losing or gaining no matter what condition my mind is in.
But it’s hard hiding depression. It oozes forth from every pore, every word spoken, every facial expression. I don’t know.
Okay so… you say the perceptive ones assume you’re “sick.”
In perceiving a mystery illness, would you prefer them think you’re “depressed,” or that you have cancer or AIDS? lol. I tend to think depression is the least troubling of the potentially assumed weight-loss-inducing sicknesses.
Same shit happened to me. Once it hit, and then i quit smoking weed, i lost my appetite almost entirely. I sometimes have to remind myself that i haven’t eaten in over 24 hours. It’s not that i dislike food, but that i just stop thinking about it until the hunger is intense enough to override all the other stuff. Or, if a particularly pleasant aroma wafts into my vicinity.
I mean, i’ve done almost absolutely nothing for nearly 2 years, and i just barely have “computer padding.” I was “husky” in adolescence, but became more and more lean ever since. I’ve never been “heavy” or “big,” but now i’m pretty sickly looking… and feeling. My metabolism is at an all-time low.
You should try to reverse your deterioration before you end up wasted away like me.
I just say i’m unwell, it’s nothing serious though. Who knows what they think, but as long as they stop prying, that’s good enough for me. Now if they started treating me like an invalid then I would insist it’s nothing serious!
Also my last major depression was a weight gain. So maybe it’s just balancing out.
I know it’s getting to be a bit much, but forcing that next bite is so hard. I don’t get it, when I was in a better mood I could be full and keep eating, now, I can be hungry and just not want to eat…sigh
How much do you weigh now?
Umm 175lbs from 215lbs around the middle of December. So I’m not super “thin” at the moment. When I get my tonsils out I would eat much in the few weeks that follow so I know I’m probably going to lose a bit more…