I am so lost in my emotions it’s unreal.

As I cut deeper and deeper, I think about all of the wrong I’ve done. I think of how much we once loved each other and how we have nothing now. You are the only one I ever want to be with.  You never stop loving someone. You either never did or you always will. I know I will always love you and I know it will be the death of me. You tell me you love me, but you can’t handle my depression. I always have been and always will be here for you when you need me. You make it sound like you were having to put up with me..I wanted to be there for you and help you because I loved you. I hate myself more than anything and I want to die.  I lay here thinking about how you once held me and told me you would never leave me. Hey baby..Where are you now? 🙁 You’ve left me twice now and with each day I grow more miserable. I wish I could just take all of the pain away, but I have tried and I always wake up the next day. I don’t know how to cope with all of this heartache. I feel both physically and emotionally sick. It hurts me to be away from you..It hurts to be ignored by you. You’re the love of my life I know, but I can’t have you so I guess I will be miserable at best for the rest of my life. I hold on hoping that you will keep coming back to me. You do.., but you always leave again hurting me even more.  You do love me or at least you say so. I want your love and I’m too much of an idiot to walk away from all of this. I should just leave and never talk to you again, but I am in love with you. You and I think of love in a different way. You try to find someone for yourself. You don’t care if they are upset as long as they make you feel better about yourself. That’s not how it works, sweetheart. I miss you more than anything.  We were the best at making each other laugh and smile. I swear the nights we spent together were the best moments in my life. You were the only happiness I knew. I am so lost in my emotions its unreal. I love you…I am sorry you can’t put up with my depression.