I’m much older than the rest of you but I feel the same way….I’ve felt this way as long as I can remember. I’ve always been a loner. Others were happy and I never understood why I never was. I’m on medication for depression….though I have more bay days than good….explains why I’m on here huh? I’ve sat on my bed with a pistol in my mouth and cried many times. The only thing that stopped me was the guilt I knew I would leave behind for my family. Recently I’ve noticed that I slowly cutting myself off from my family and this scares me. I’ve done research on all of the drugs I’m prescribed to see which would be the best one to use to commit suicide. I’ve made a will and updated all of my life insurance policies. I’m almost reeady but not quite at the brink.Plus my son is only 16 and I would like him to be an adult if I leave….not that I believe it would make any difference. Everyone I know will be hurt and blame themselves or others. I try to convince myself that everyone would be better off without having to worry about me but that doesn’t work either. My son is afraid I’ll go to hell if I were to commit suicide. I shocked him the other night when I told him I didn’t really believe in heaven or hell…..it’s just what you have when you’re living and when you’re gone your energy just dissipates…I believe in ghosts more than heaven or hell. Would rather be a ghost than alive.
5 comments
You can’t kill yourself. Do you not realize that you have a son !?
Whether or not you gave him birth, he is your responsibility, you should always be there whenever he needs help.
I have seen so many parents take their life and the only thing I can say is that it’s such a huge mistake.
Being alone, not having to take care and look after somebody, now that’s when you take your life. But you have a son and he’s not just someone you can ignore.
You say you feel guilty at the thought of leaving your family behind,I say you should keep living because when you have a child of your own, you can no longer call it your life, it’s his life.
You say that you see others being happy and you don’t understand why you’re not… but you’ve also had good moments; and in life there’s no balance between good and bad, some people are happier, some are less happy but the truth is there are moments in a person’s life when he/she feels happy and you know how good these moments feel. Find what makes you happy and do it more often because only you can help yourself. Others can lead you on a right or wrong path but ultimately it’s your decision…
And think of it this way: you’ve lived so long, you can make it just one more day. I’ve been given this great advice to take things one at a time. Every day when you wake up remember how grateful you are for having a son, for having lived until now, for those good moments (no matter how few they were). Every time you feel like pulling the trigger, say to yourself “I will live one more day!”
If you want my advice, get rid of that pistol, talk to your son more, ask him about his life, and last but not least, try to socialize with others. You like them or not, try to go out, live the moment.
From my experience, I can tell you these dark thoughts will subside when you’re surrounded by people. Thoughts of committing suicide are higher when you’re alone. Go out with your friends, do something nice for yourself, you deserve it! But you don’t deserve to die, you can’t leave your son alone, he needs you. And I’m sure there are many other people who need you , all you have to do is open your eyes and see that you’re not at all alone.
it’s easy to worry about how he’s gonna take it when he’s being decent to me….but it’s hard to care when he’s one of the people who are so hateful to me that I no longer care about being in this world……on good days it’s easy to just say he’s acting like that because he’s in that akward stage of growing up….but on bad days it just another person who I won’t be pissing off and making miserable if I’m gone
How old are you?
email me at: sweetbubbles_1975@yahoo.com.
We can talk and maybe I can help.
Your reasons for leaving are important. How old is your son? Be as honest as possible before doing anything rash.
man if u shoot your self just put the gun cleaning kit out…….. it just looks better