Hey, beautiful people!
I was on this site two years ago as one of you. I was young, depressed, and had intentions of taking my own life. While I don’t see any familiar names, it was people like YOU who helped me become the person I am today. Today, I absolutely love my life. The narrow path I was on may have devastated me, but here I am today. I am here to tell you all that it DOES get better. By talking to people who genuinely care about you and having a little hope, you can get better. I promise. I have helped several people by using my past experiences with depression. Those challenges that I thought might cause me to take my own life actually helped me save others. Maybe we have these battles so that we can learn and help others with their own struggles. We’re all human. We’re here on this earth with each other for a long time, so we better learn to love one another and help. No matter what you’re dealing with, be it bullying, sexual harassment/abuse, relationship problems, trouble finding a job, or disturbing thoughts, whatever it may be, you are not alone. I promise you. We are all here for you as long as you need help getting back up on your feet and running. Keep your head up and put a smile on that beautiful face of yours. You are so unique, and you have a purpose in life. Any of you can email me at Wilkerson427@live.com if you’d like to talk without fear of judgment and discrimination. I love you all. Stay strong and remember, the task ahead of you is never as great as the power behind you.
Take care. 🙂
19 comments
I’m new here but nice to see you back and kicking =)
How are you? 🙂
=( not so well… But now that you’ve found consolation I wouldn’t wanna drag you back into this
Don’t be silly. That’s what I came here for! I want to use my experiences to help others. You’re not a burden. What’s up?
It’s good that after 2 years you have got better, but a lot of people can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel now matter how much they try, the bullies will still bully, the abuse will still continue, the dark thoughts persist, but knowing they are not alone with their problems, that other people are going or have gone through similar experiences does perhaps help.
I’m 18 years old, currently going to Rutgers University (Northeastern United States), and I’ve been suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder for as long as I remember… Basically, I’m obsessed perceived defects in my looks, and that manifests in anxiety, depression, loneliness, unwillingness to socialize on certain occasions and ultimately suicidal thoughts. I don’t want to burden you with an autobiography, but said disorder, alongside my rather unstable family — my brother has become a self-obsessed lunatic but a failure all the same — have resulted in my decision to attempt suicide when both my parents are dead or old and senile. Like many others here, they are the only ones keeping me from doing it now.
I was bullied. I received death threats and had my wrists slit by a broken piece of plastic. I lied to my parents so they wouldn’t know. But the bullying has ended.
I’ve had other girls touch my chest, making me extremely uncomfortable. One took advantage of me when I had my back to the wall and humped me. Boys would always make sexual gestures, and one threatened to rape me. It has all ended.
I use to have dark thought. I head a pistol to my head twice. I was ready to swallow the pills and be done multiple times. I fantasized about suicide and even cut wrists and legs. I can happily say, it has all ended.
The only thing that has not ended for me is my life. My life is great today. I’m as happy as I’ll ever be. I have a future. All of us do. We have a propose in life. For some, it is just harder to discover. It may be difficult, in one way, it doesn’t have to end.
It is hard to accept our bodies as they are due to the way society has pounded into our heads how we’re “supposed” to look. Skinny, perfectly proportioned, and with no blemishes. But it isn’t true. It’s all a lie.
You are beautiful as you are. There’s nothing you need to change. I know it may be hard to see that, but I know you are a beautiful human being, just like models, and just the the boy with the disabilities. We are all beautiful and were made the way we are for a reason. Don’t you ever forget that.
To justme, in a world so dominated by looks, how we feel is directly related to how we feel other people perceive us. With bdd, it doesn’t matter how many time you’re told you look ok, which you probably do, your perception of yourself can never reconcile this. Only time and relationships can counter it, being with someone who just loves you for who you are, it’s difficult to see this now but give it time, personality counts for a lot too.
Thanks to both of you =)
Haley – That’s so sad to hear that people put you through all of that and thanks for the good words. Always helps. Would you be willing to share your journey through recovery, and how you’ve reached where you are now?
Nias & Haley – So true. But dealing with this is especially difficult during college time – when I’m reminded how many people possess the physical traits I seek.. I’ve always been open to relationships but I’ve never been offered one (partly because I’m somewhat timid in front of girls as a result of attending an all-boys high school for 4 years). I can count on one hand how many times I’d been sexually engaged by girls this first semester, but I’m not part of the “hooking up” culture.
I, too, went to an all boy’s secondary school and the only good thing about it is that it’s been pulled down and houses built in it’s place; I suffered from spots and was called zit, what wit, I’ve always hated the way I look, I had surgery to correct my nose (I think I broke it as a child) and my teeth aren’t prefect but I’ve learnt to live with that, and guess what, I still get spots. I don’t really know what other people think I look like and I do find it difficult to ask a women out, had some bad experiences with a few who more or less laughed.
Well, it’s a super long story. My teacher committed suicide the summer after I had her. I had just turned 12, and having matured quickly in an attempt to fit into the real world, I was quick to blame myself for missing the signs. I struggled for a month or so, questioning whether it was my fault that it happened. She was the most amazing lady that I new. She was so helpful and funny and caring. So sweet and gentle. She took me to eat a couple times too. After a month or so, I stopped questioning whether or not I did it and blamed myself completely. Keep in mind, I was 12 years old. I was veering off onto the narrow path very quickly.
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to tell anybody because I didn’t want to be a burden. Nobody seemed to notice that I was extremely depressed, so I just assumed that nobody cared about me. I was the only one that seemed to be effected by her death it seemed. When I turned 13, I became suicidal. At 13, I wanted to take my own life, yes. It’s all kind of cloudy, but in a way, I’m happy. I planned my suicide out in so many ways. I fantasized about it all day. I wrote my notes, and I laid in bed and cried myself to sleep countless nights. I can’t tell you how many times I was ready to take those pills. I held a gun to my head, at 13 years old. I was bullied during this time also. My wrists were cut by bullies and myself, and I received several death threats. Then, along came a few angels.
I opened up to a few people who I had met online. They talked to me all day, helping me cope with my thoughts and giving me reasons not to end my own life. I was hurt by my teacher’s death, so why would I impose that pain on someone else? I was selfless. During my time struggling, I saved people and talked to one during her final hour, so why would I take my own life when I can save more to “make up” for my teacher’s death? My now-boyfriend also came along during that time. Again, we met online, but I opened up to him. He helped me more than I can explain. And 2 and a half years later, he is still my boyfriend, and I’m so grateful that I was blessed with such an angel and someone who was willing to listen and stick with me through thick and thin, as a friend and more. Those two boys… Thankful…
The key is definitely opening up to people. Surround yourself with those who love you for who you are. They are the only way you will get through the pain you are dealing with. You are beautiful as you are. Let nobody tell you different. There is a special someone out there searching for you, and there are people out there looking for friends just like you, who understand what they’re going through and can help you also. I am one of them. You can email me whenever you like, and I will talk with you for however long you need me. I love every single one of you. You all have amazing strength that just needs to be directed in a more positive direction. You all have the power to make a difference in the lives of others, as I hope to do. You are unique, and you have a purpose in life. You were brought into this world for a reason. Don’t end your own life. Live it to the fullest, and let whatever you believe in decide when your time is up. There’s a reason you’re alive. 🙂
I am almost 16 now.
Wow… that’s truly incredible. So mature for your age! I legitimately thought I was talking to a woman in her 20s! But really, that’s remarkable that you’ve come this far. I’ve never lost a close friend or acquaintance to suicide – in fact, if I’d be the first person within my social sphere to commit the act if it ever happened – which I’m doubting but not dismissing.
Its so weird, some days I feel like I’ve been reborn – full of energy, excitement an hope for the future. Then times like now I slump.. this morning I’d been laying in by bed crying for 30 minutes or so because I knew — at that very point — that given the opportunity, I would do it. This very morning. Almost as if my mind and body surrendered to my demons. Amazing how defeated one can feel after only 18 years on this planet.
I’ll harder to open up to more people. I may be depressed but I’m not inanimate. I cling to whatever joy I can find through music, art, laughter and of course, talking to you all =)
Well it’s good to read your story and I’m happy things seem to have worked out for you but everyone’s circumstances are different and at my age I’m much more cynical about what life has to offer for me.
Of course. Everybody is different, and age definitely plays a big factor in that. I still believe reaching out to others is the way to go though. Calling a hotline or emailing Samaritans dot org are quick ways. Meeting people who understand what you’re going through is also another way. There has to be one person out there who can help you see what there is to live for.
The samaritans (I have considerer joining but they probably wouldn’t want me on the phones) can be helpful but they only listen which is maybe all someone needs but for me the problems remain after the phone is put down, my ex girlfriend is helpful as we still get on but it’s unfair to unburden myself to her. Other people are just too happy for me to talk to that’s why I use this site. At my age my best years, and they were pretty dire, are behind me and I’ve little ahead.
I guess why this place is so nice; it offers help for those who seek, be it life or death…
Justme, sorry I didn’t see your message. I give off the 20-year old personality a lot. lol. My bad. Focus on the good days, the days where you feel that life may be worth living, and tell yourself that there are more of those to come, because there are. If you keep telling yourself that, more and more will come. And keep doing the things you love too. Keep your mind busy and keep a smile on your face. 🙂
Its been 6 years that I’ve been hearing that things will get better. Yet they havent. Its only gotten worse. I’m glad your doing better though….whoever you are….