If you’re only taught how to BUY fish, you won’t know how to CATCH fish when the option to buy is removed.

It’s not your fault; your predecessors were domesticated and were never taught the value of catching the fish, which meant they were not able to teach you what you needed to know.

Now you have an idea of what you need to learn… but do you know how to learn it? Do you know how to teach yourself whatever parts are omitted from your learning by your predecessors? Do you know how to figure out what to learn, and how to learn it? Get someone to teach you how to teach yourself. It might be the hardest thing you ever do. But once you know how to assess a situation and determine A) what is lacking, and B) how to resolve the absence of whatever it is… you can get through anything (aside from extreme violence; even mild violence can be almost entirely mitigated by various techniques, tactics and strategies).

I think step one is tuning your “bullshit detector,” so that you will know when and why to NOT listen to people who are misleading you. Know when to disregard bullshit, and disregard it like a boss. Learn to understand what is right and wrong, and why… and then stand your ground when an important issue arises. Again, easier said than done… but necessary and very useful.

The truth is that girls will say things they don’t mean, whether it’s because they feel sorry for you, or because they are afraid the truth will hurt you, and are trying to spare your feelings… even if only to avoid feeling responsible for damage they’ve knowingly caused you by lying (they often feel justified in lying “to protect your feelings,” when in fact, this can cause exponentially MORE harm, than simply admitting that they made a mistake, “spoke too soon,” or simply developed different feelings for whatever reason). The more you throw their false words in their face (like “you said you loved me”), the more they will resent you, which means you will most likely not see her again… at least not by her intention. If you’re in the same town, you might cross paths… which will be very uncomfortable, probably more for you than her.

“We have to be strong” is not a moral code; it is a necessity, because in the animal kingdom, of which we are a part, the strong survive, and the weak perish. That is just reality. Fortunately, for many people, in today’s modern societies (e.g. first world countries), we have “safety nets” for the weak, damaged and defective, so that they don’t necessarily have to DIE just because they’re not what evolution wants to preserve… but surviving as a lesser and undesirable being is… well, not always “desirable.”

“You must be strong” is not “unrealistic” or “idealism.” It’s just cold hard reality. Being weak will mean being dominated by the strong, and disregarded by the appealing ones, who have a nearly limitless selection pool of potential mates, from which to choose.

Honestly, your best chance of getting any girl back, is to COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT HER AND MOVE ON… but allow her to see that OTHER GIRLS FIND YOU APPEALING.

Girls have a tendency to want what they think other girls seem to want. It’s weird, and i know it sounds bad wording it that way, but it’s a primitive thing that’s actually true (most of the time), even if they rant and rave about how that’s “sexist” or “misogynistic.” It really isn’t. The stereotype fits the empirical evidence in such cases. And i’m not necessarily saying they’re wrong to function that way… just that i don’t particularly LIKE how that function works. I would love to bypass it, but shit is just too complex for people like me (and maybe you), who are readily identified as lacking certain commonly sought features. If they can see something they won’t accept, they won’t even give you a chance to show alternatively appreciable value. Even if you do manage to show it, they’ll disregard it because guess what: they already decided you lacked what they want. The rest doesn’t matter, no matter how much people say things like “you have many good qualities!” “Many good qualities” is not the same thing as “the specific prerequisite qualities required for further assessment.” From what i’ve seen, many females seem to carry an expectation of being exempt from the need to ever compromise. That’s what i call an invalid expectation… except that in many cases, it actually works for them.

You’re right, it really isn’t “fair” at all. Not much ever is in this world. And while i lean strongly toward embracing and developing a world more based on and compatible with fairness, there is no rule or obligation that dictates that anyone must remain fair to everyone. “Ideally,” we’d like to believe everyone should be fair to everyone… but it just doesn’t work that way, because, almost always: “any advantage given, will be taken.” If someone has an advantage, no matter how “unfair,” they will milk it for all it’s worth, because it allows them to have a better life. Can you blame someone for using a special advantage to make their own life better? I know you’ll be tempted to blame… but i bet you’ll realize you can’t fully blame someone for using an unfair advantage, because i’m sure you’d use an unfair advantage to get this girl to love you, if you could do so. I would too (or rather, i would have… but my principles now preclude that, as they should have done, all along; i disregarded my own principles for the sake of someone who insisted i could trust them, who turned out to be completely full of shit and utterly foul, the entire time; i doubt i’ll make that mistake again; it cost me far too much, and was NOT worth it). I’ve been there. But i would have been “wrong,” and it would not have been “real,” because it would have been artificially engineered by my usage of an unfair advantage… and she’d probably eventually realize that, which would breed resentment, and would likely nullify that advantage, leading to her departure anyway.

So, even if you COULD get what/who you want… it wouldn’t last.

You need to accept that she’s not who/how you interpreted (even if your interpretation was heavily influenced by her “mistaking” or even “deliberately misleading you”).

The person in your memories is not who that person really is. But that’s what people are taught to do: embellish themselves in such a way as to maximize the appeal to others, so they can gain access to something they desire. Most people are fake as fuck, and full of shit. She wasn’t really honest with you, or even with herself… and do you really want someone like that connected to your life? A deceptive, dishonest person, who may not even realize how full of shit she, herself, really is? You can’t trust someone like that, and i’ll tell you straight up: you don’t want connections to untrustworthy people… no matter how much you miss the person she helped you believe she was. It’s not all her fault; you allowed yourself to believe it. Had your bullshit detector been functioning properly, you’d have been unable to ignore the alarms going off, and would never have become so attached in the first place, to a fictional character portrayed by a confused girl… who most likely did not intend to cause you such hardship, but is also most likely not willing, or even able, to help you recover from it.

Separate your memories from the actual person. They are not the same.

It’s okay to admit (at least to yourself) that you loved only who she pretended to be, but that’s not who she really is, or really was. That’s not your fault, nor can you change it. She already stopped pretending to be that person. You should try to give her at least a tiny bit of credit for that. It’s similar to “owning up to it” or “coming clean,” but not quite the same. It might be the best she can do, or the best she’s willing to do.

The cool thing about all this, is that if you do happen to find someone who actually, genuinely cares for who you really are, and wants to be with you… she’ll put up with your mistakes, and allow you plenty of chances to correct them. Anyone who won’t, isn’t worth your time. You only get one life; don’t waste it on people who are full of shit, or simply too immature to realize they shouldn’t toy with your emotions.

Good luck.