This is the first time I have wrote on one of these so not sure what to expect. I’m looking for maybe an answer or someone to agree with me, anything really.
So I’ve been with my fiancé for ten years and we have three amazing children together, we have had so much bad luck together and lots of ups and downs. I have made a fair few decisions that have not helped us in our relationship two just recently, I got a number off a girl and arranged to meet but didn’t because I realised it was wrong, I know that’s not the point but I didn’t. Anyway my partner saw this and we ended, after a few days we got back together but things have been bad for the last 4-5 months, we have both started new jobs and she has met new friends including a man who for two weeks were txting in secret, until I saw something on her phone I asked he about it, long story short I became very paranoid about an affair that I think never happened but it got to a point where I left and realised after a day it was a mistake but on my return I was told we were no longer together and she didn’t love me (which hurts) and she wants me out after our family holiday in a week. I have tried talking and giving her space but she has changed and she’s always out and very cold with me which is killing me. Now when we had the children I promised I would stand by them and we would be a family forever I don’t want them growing up in two homes ( that happened to me and it hurts messed me up) and I can’t take thinking of the person I love and adore with some1 else, and some1 else being in my house with my kids. I have made up my mind that if my ex still wants me out I will end my life, how? I’m not sure but I can’t carry on without Her and be a part time dad, I hate my dad for being a part time dad and my mum for making that happen, we had our children why should they suffer why should they not have a family why should they be told daddy has to leave? I believe they will be better in the long term living with one parent it will be better for them one home no birthdays and Christmases split messing with their head, they will accept that daddy has gone to heaven, their aunt passed away two years ago aged 22 and they understood and talk about her in heaven it didn’t mess with their minds. Sorry about the length, any answers advice or help? Thanks
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Dear Imaz9,
My man let’s slow down and look more into this.
First, needs in peoples’ lives change through time. That is hard to comprehend 10 years our. That is true for you and your lady. Let her go. That doesn’t make either one of you bad. You made fair decisions…….ok……continue on leaning from them.
Second, you are a father. Not part time! Full time! Stay engaged in their lives no matter where they live. There has been many technology improvements since you were a child. Use them! Take from your relationship with your father and improve upon the deficiencies. Be a better man for you children.
Third, children with parents that commit suicide are many times more likely to commit themselves.
Last, their aunt and you are NOT the same thing!
Imaz, I can understand how you might feel as you do, given your own past pain. But I must comment as the child of a father who did take his own life. My brief opinion would be, if you love your children, and I am sure you do, don’t do it. For their sakes. My father destroyed himself when I was a baby. The anguish of my mother, the guilt, the ‘what if’ factor, the utter and irreversible loss and the fact that I can NEVER speak with him, NEVER ask him why, NEVER be held by him, and NEVER have a simple “I love you” from him has been and will remain something I battle to the end of my own life. Decades after his death, it overshadows my own life in ways he could never have anticipated or imagined. It was the worst thing he could possibly have done, from my point of view. There is always the possibility of talking, of healing, of growth or exchange or understanding if that person is still there. Once gone, only a blank division like a concrete wall with no end. And to know that person, your own parent, chose to erect that wall that shuts you out forever, that is a pain of a particular and singular kind. Do you truly want to do that to your children? Because once you do, they are the ones who will live with it, not for a year, not for ten, but till they themselves end. And that’s another thing I can attest to: I have thought about and wrestled with the urge to die most of my adult life. I have thus far resisted it. But the seed was planted by my father in his choice, and it greatly — greatly — increased its presence in my mind. Do you want that for your children? “Daddy has gone to heaven” may work for a little while, but don’t imagine it will work for very long. They will reach the age where your act will tear them to pieces. Bet on it.