i just don’t know it anymore

I feel bad and fucked up again .

I am only damn young and i am ruening my own life.people say i can be happy with what i have but i am not .i don’t have much friends and my dad hates me .i have been feeling like this alot just 3 houres ago i was about to cut again.i just dont know what to do anymore i have been to special help centrums and all those things but they help me only for 4-5 weeks . And after that my pain is back .i once had an ex a whille ago and i loved him and i thought he loved me it was serious and he asked me to show myself in underwaer and all …Not naked i would never do that . At first i always said no and no and no again until he started like u dnt love me i wanna die i hate myself,…. I feld like it was my fault and did show myself online stupid me 🙁  he kept on sking and asking again i said no and no and no again i didnt feld any love from him anymore .he said terrible thing to me and i got bullied on da same time saying i had to kill myself that i wanst gooing to make it that i am ugly and that my parents dont love me and wanted to give me up for adoption that hurted me damn it did i was at my dad’s ( they r divorced) and he said terrible things to me too i just couldnt handel it anymore ok everything was to much and i cutted then it all started. I cutted and cutted and cutted again again and again . I have been clean for 2 monts but my new bf started fighting  me about that he said my ex filmed it and that he was fooing to tell my parents and ruen my life .he didnt did it i told them and they where well not that angry .now everything just ceeps sitting in my head .i only think he fimed it and that no one cares for me becz im a slut and a terrible person .i dont feel loved by anyone .i know this probely wont be a good reason to kill myself or anythinf else but ive been feeling like this for months for now. And no one seems to care when i crie to care when i cut so why would someone care if i killd myself .i just dont know it anymore i hate myself i am so stupid 🙁 .

(btw sorry if it is posted with da wrong thema i am to stupid to put it at da right one.)