So I was at the bar, and long story short, I got some good advice so I figured.. What the heck!! Here’s what I learned..
I met a man who told me about his situation with his ex lady and his son. This guy was around my age, and what he told me really resonated with me.
He told me..
“Man, you are lucky you didn’t have kids with that girl, cuz now you can go do anything! There is nothing holding you down so you are free to make your own decisions and go where ever you want. If you had kids you couldn’t do that in a break up..cuz with kids, everything you do revolves around the mother. She’s gonna always be there as the mother of your child, which means every choice you make is her business. All family gatherings revolve around keeping the peace between you two for the kids sake. The problems you had when you broke up would always be there. There is no freedom!”
He said a lot..but that’s what I got out of the mesg. I could tell this guy had really suffered prior, with all the drama his ex had caused him. I could tell he was still hurting from it. But if nothing else..he definitely made me feel appreciative that my relationship ended like it did, and isn’t still a giant “grey area” in my life.
I know it’s over…I know it’s for the better.. Thankfully there is nothing solid tying me to this girl. The hurt would probably be the greatest pain I’d ever feel in my life.
I am so thankful now.
18 comments
I agree with that advice. Even if the pain and hurt are the greatest you ever feel and might never go away completely, at least you are not forced to keep some sort of precarious bond just for the sake of children, and even worse, the children themselves are a huge bond between you and the other person… imagine seeing your child and noticing every possible resemblance to their mother. I know of cases where parents hate their children or can’t treat them normally because of it.
In the end, that sort of situation would make it even more difficult than it is (in my opinion), and like you, i’m grateful i don’t have to endure that, even if memories and pain still haunts me all the time (and it’s already been a year).
What you don’t want is to be saying to yourself.. “Wow, it’s already been a year!”
Some one else told me that! lol the relevance seemed key at the time.
Thanks M.. Yeah she wasn’t ever going to give me a child..
..Just saying
lol
That phrase sounds familiar, but i’ll let it slip through 😀 hahaha. Guess we all have to see things more objectively sooner or later (even if it hurts like hell doing so).
Oh man… You don’t know me yet do you!? lol
Ill show you what pain can do to a person when that person fails to simply give up and die
Haha
this is great advice. i wish my parents didnt have me, so they could do what they really wanted without worrying about pathetic me.
That’s horrible!!
“The greatest tragedy of the family is the unlived lives of the parents.” -Jung
That’s even horrible..er…Lol
sigh… Jung
That’s true in a way, but hey, they chose it! (will read a bit on Jung, not really familiar with his philosophy)
Most parents don’t know what they’re getting into until after they’ve become parents… despite all the warnings from all the parents who came before them. Tragic indeed.
I know. It’s like an Arrested Development line Tobias gives to Lindsay (her wife) when they try to recover their marriage, it goes like this:
Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed, but free to explore extra-marital encounters.
Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but…but it might work for us.
The worst blind is the one who doesn’t want to see :D.
they want to travel the world. Im hindering them with my existence
Hey… That’s their fucking fault. Not yours! And the shit they take out on you isn’t your fault either.
My mom was SUCH…A…*****!! But when I moved out it was all good…pretty much! They will always be moms. And dads will always be dads…no matter how hard the moms try…
glad to hear its better for you now
All parents want for us is to grow up and become the versions of them they have tried so hard to force upon us. Well..most parents…my parents.. Well..my mom…my dad didn’t give two shit shakes…still doesn’t!
…just saying
But my point is they just want to see us move forward in life..and QUICK!! They don’t have all the time in the world to stop and smell the roses..no. Or pick up the poop! But they have every intension of seeing us become the person we are truly destined to be and to do great things. …unless they are just physically abusive then in that case..call child protective services.
That guy was right RT. I am in a position where I hate and resent the ‘father’ of my child. He was never in my child’s life when he was young and my child rejected him when he did finally make contact…too little too late. I was left holding the baby, with a serious mental illness. Kids are great when you want them and plan them, it did not work out well for me or my child. This may not really be the point of your post, but I thought I’d say it anyway.
Of course, it was very on topic. Thank you for sharing that.
Part of why I posted this is because we all hold on to things we shouldn’t, when they are gone. Some of us out there aren’t ready to let go, so we still hang on.
I don’t want to hang on anymore. I want every reason in the world to move on and be stronger. And even though it might be too late for me, at least I can let it go to give me peace in the time I have left.
I want to see everyone find a reason to have peace again.