I am in a big problem relating to my life and career. I request to please give me a little time.
I am a 23 yr old male, still a student in college:(. I want to tell you about me from starting.
As a kid I was very much shy and was bullied by fellow students, though I used to get good marks. I studied in a govt. school, when I was in high school, I took admission in high profiled coaching institue for medical entrace exam, I didn’t have friends there and got bullied by a teacher, so I quit that coaching institue, and when I switched to a convent school I could not study well there and I quit my school and again took admission in a lower standard school. I took admission in college and could not study well there too and also didnt have any good friends.
The next year i prepared for law entrance exam and cleared it and got admission in one of the best colleges of my country but again the same problem high class students and teachers and I could not study and make friends there too and I quit. The next one year I studied from an open university from home, but later I thought that law will be beneficial, so i again prepared for entrance exam and cleared it again and got admission in a law school which is of lower standard than the previous one.
But ok I am studying here and its a five year integrated course and i am in fourth year now, and let me tell you one thing more these three years in college have been like hell to me. I don’t have good friends, i don’t talk to girls, i am shy, can’t do public speaking, can’t speak english fluently.
Since first year only i was thinking to quit this college but circumstances are not letting me do that.
The ultimate goal of my life is to become a Police officer, for that i need a graduation degree which i already have cause i graduated from an open university but am also studying in regular college now. People say i can’t do anything in my life but i know that i can achieve it, I have to achieve it cause here its hell like circumstances for me, i have back in 16 papers out of 30.
After my father died and I came back to college i thought to commit suicide 2-3 times but I have one brother one sister and my mom, there is no source of income in my family they all hope that I will get a job fast, but things are not like that here. I don’t see any future in this college, all I want to do is to prepare for police services, cause here in Nepal its cut throat competition, and I know I can clear it, that’s all I want from my life, I don’t want to ruin my years and huge of amount of fees that I pay in this college, and I also have to live in hostel, I am always depressed, I smoke and drink alcohol almost daily I have a girl friend who has gone to US, sometimes go to classes……I know I am doing all this wrong but I don’t know why am I doing this, what the hell is wrong with me, I think I am not happy here, I will be happy to prepare for the goal of my life, will be happy to even die preparing for it.
what I want to do is to run away from this place, from these bad habits-depression-anxiety, take a room on rent, I have all the books with me and start preparing for the exam.
NOW PLEASE TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I DO??????
1 comment
Don’t give up on what you truly want for yourself or even for your family if that gives you motivation to live. I’m sorry you were bullied. I can relate. I was the runt of the family with a strange personality. It was hell for me.
Also, the booze has only made things worse for me. Be careful if you want to quit that stuff: you might need detox at a treatment facility or you could get very sick from abruptly stopping.
Figure out what you want and figure out the healthiest way to get there. Also, no one is bullied because they deserve it; it is done via the faulty motives and deep-seated fears and insecurities of the bully.
Take care; wishing you the best.