I want to die.
My blades aren’t enough. Alcohol isn’t enough. Any sort of pain isn’t enough. I just want to drop off the earth forever.
I’m done with trying, I don’t want to ‘wait’ for things to get better. Everything is just way too much, the anxiety attacks, the stress, the schizophrenia is becoming way too vivid. Sleepless nights with endless sad thoughts are what my life has become. The worst part is, I am only 15. This shouldn’t be happening. Why is this happening? I feel as I’m choking on the air I breathe. It won’t go away.
I’ve tried to kill myself many times before. Pills, drowning, burning, cars, you name it. In fact, last time I overdosed the tylenol caused ulcers all inside my body. Not to mention my organs being fried to shit.
Maybe, just maybe, this time it will work? Will I die? How many should I take? How many times do I have to keep trying?
3 comments
hi, im not trying to talk you out of killing yourself. But would it help to talk to a very depressed bipolar person? im mentally ill to, even though it might not be quite as bad as what you deal with. talk to me. i could use the friendship and company. lets have a parrty 😛 But seriously, im here for you in ANY way i can be, even if just to share your pain for a little while.
I’m sorry you’re hurting like this. Most pills aren’t going to kill you – seriously. Only a few can. You’ve already found out what Tylenol does…its an ugly, inefficient method.
Please keep reaching out.
Gosh, makes my heart ache to hear of all you have suffered at such an early age. I endorse what dragonfly said though. Pills will only mess up your body. I have bipolar 1 with psychosis, however you are terribly young to be suffering a severe mental illness…sometimes people get misdiagnosed, schizophrenia is a very vague concept and a horrible label to be stuck with, don’t accept it yet, it may be nothing of the sort.