I’m afraid of life and all the terrible things that can happen to me. My two worst fears right now are (1)being raped and getting pregnant and (2)being paralyzed from the neck down. I don’t really get that much satisfaction from living anyway. I love the guarantee of peace that death brings. Honestly, i jaunt want to escape the world. I don’t see the point in going through the motions of life when I can just end my miserable existence as soon as possible.
I plan on ending my own life as soon as I get my hands on some sleeping pills and have the house to myself (I’m underage), then drowning myself in the bathtub.
Can anyone relate to my story?
5 comments
Hmm,your story is one of the more simple ones I’ve heard but in a way I can relate I too get no joy out of living in this world.
I can relate to the fear and I can understand wanting an escape. Living in a constant state of anxiety is an awful burden, and I hope you find some peace of mind.
I can’t tell you the amount of time I’ve spent unable to function because I was terrified over winning the lottery (which I don’t play), the possibility of accidentally killing someone, the chance of reincarnation, sexual slavery, death by octopus, and countless other worries both real and imagined.
Out of curiosity have you seen anyone about this? I don’t want to make assumptions. For me, cognitive behavioral therapy has helped somewhat with the obsessive thoughts/behavior malfunctions, as well as the guilt and shame that comes after the fear subsides. Also if you ever just want to talk to someone about your fears and struggles I can listen. I’m crap at advice but I’ll never think you’re crazy. You’re right that the world’s fucked up and it’s too much to keep bottled up.
And some other advice, you’ll understand it when you’re older. If you chose to take that radical way, if you choose for the peace of death, wait until you’re about the age of 20 to act… It sound unbelieveably stupid I know 😉 but give your mind and yourself time to devellop, open your mind and start to think for yourself and you might find a whole other world you knew nothing about… And if you ever feel the need to or just want to talk, feel welcome!
I agree with the gist of what Paeka said. It might be better to wait. This sounds trite and patronizing, but, experiencing life as an adult, might yield previously unfathomed solutions to some of your concerns.
But, yes, to answer your question, I can totally relate to where you’re coming from. Totally. I don’t share your specific fears, but I empathize with the idea of avoiding more bad things coming your way. That’s one my prime reasons for eventually checking out.
Whatever your ultimate decision, I’d strongly advise against taking pills. That could make your life a whole lot worse by causing possibly debilitating, but not fatal, health problems. Plus, if you botch a suicide attempt, you could get put in a mental institution against your will (unless part of you wants that?), though that depends on where you live.
I agree with AnxietyGardener says. Mental hospitals are horrible and incredibly frustrating, give it some time and think it over. May be a good thing to speak to a professional about your fears? Also, I’m guessing that it’s your parents house? Their lives would be destroyed if they came home and found you like that