So I am a senior male in high school. I’m 17 going on 18 at the end of June. There’s this one kid Zack who is a freshman at my school and I fucking hate him. I haven’t really talked to him but knowing what he does makes me sick. He dates a girl and makes out with her and everything, he is all sweet and charming and everything (little does anybody know he’s really a ***** and extremely aggressive and violent with guys) but the catch about the girls he dates is that they all self-harm (usually cutting). Sounds like a sweet boy right? […]
For about six weeks, things were actually going pretty good. I found a job, after six months without full-time work. I started running again several days a week, which clears my mind and stabilizes my mood in a way that nothing else can (I can’t swim, for instance, and I hate lifting weights because of all the pauses where my thoughts can creep back in). I went two whole weeks without wishing I was dead, for probably the first time in a couple years.
And then a week ago I hurt my knee and had to stop running. A few days after that I got into […]
I don’t feel like myself anymore. Any way I say it sounds stupid, but why am I expected to love myself when I cant even recall who i am?
There is so much I hate about myself and I cant see through it anymore. Ive been trying for years to be better. So many years. I cant do this anymore, I just cant. Im wearing thin.
When I look at myself, I don’t see me, I see someone else. She’s so familiar now. I know her more than I know myself.
She despises who i am, she’s hateful and deceiving, she’s scared and hurt. She’s the worst part of me. She’s almost all of me now.
Lets just […]
Drink enough gold schlager you can too.
All jokes aside. I don’t drink. Read this in an optimistic tone: things suck right now. They’ve sucked for awhile. Maybe they always will. Who knows? You surely don’t. If you’re the religious type, Bible says path to heaven is narrow and hard to find. Not sure that’s my flavor. Point is, living a good fulfilling life is hard as fuck.
I see a lot of people ask, I’ve asked myself even, why bother? Why not? See you and I , we’re the same. Everyday, we stare death in his face and say “fuck you! Bring it knob gobbler!” […]
this has been the most emotionally exhausting day of my entire godforsaken existence. I don’t know what to do or think anymore, I’m just crying and crying. I’ve got the absolute worst headache from having 5 hours of sleep and 4 hours of crying. This just fucking sucks ass.
I had to call my mother and tell her I’m self-harming. She says she thought I was the one thing she got right in her life, but apparently I’m not. So, great. Fan-fucking-tastic. I have ruined my mother’s life and all this without her even knowing I’m suicidal. she asked why I would even tell her if […]
My urges to kill are getting worse along with my apathy. So, I picked one of the worst days to escape. Yet, I find it amusing in a sadistic sort of way. For my sins, burning in Hell is a fate far too kind for me. I’m a monster… And I’m okay with that.
I’ve been at the gym for three hours. Just trying to keep moving, keep distracted.
Every time I slow down it catches up. Sinking feeling, a punch in the gut. Not for any particular reason, of course. That’s the worst part.
I know drowning is a cliche but that’s what it is. Just treading water. If you stop even for a second, you go under.
And the worst part is I don’t even OWN a dog.
Anyway, woke up today with a terrible earache, which probably means my ear infection came back.
Hurts to eat or drink anything (chewing and swallowing, ouch).
It even hurts to talk.
So here I am, sitting quietly at home, eating and drinking nothing.
For as long as I can remember, I didn’t think life was worth living because everything in my eyes was absurd, then I met a guy, started talking to him and he made me feel loved, he gave me a reason to smile again, But on October 20th I got word that my nephew had committed suicide. I hit a new low. I was at ROCK BOTTOM. Getting that news was paralyzing. I felt like my dreams were ripped from my very hands, torn, and thrown in my face. I started to shut everyone out including the guy who was my light for several months. […]
sorry to post again put I’m too unstable I was fine the part of that wanted to left . But he went vacation because it’s back and I am not OK . The only thing I want to do is miraculously drop dead or cut myself honestly . I don’t know why I want to do that, but I have so much heaviness in my chest right now .that maybe if I cut it might let some of this black greasy feeling out. It feels like I’m in Mourning like someone die that’s how sad and hopeless I feel. I don’t know what to […]
So I havent really been around here as much as perhaps I should be. For those who dont know me im an old timer upon this sight, put im my time at the bottom of every bottle and put my time in at the worst spirals of depression. but through the help i got here I got out of the worst of it and now im here to help out. unfortunately right now stuff in my life limit the time i can spend here and alot of people needing help may go unanswered, as ive seen by a recent post. while i cant be an […]
Constant change is pretty much inevitable in life. I’ve always been really afraid of change. Therefore, constant fear seems pretty much inevitable in life. That’s one of the reasons I often feel so hopeless.
You’d think I’d have nothing to lose making a change now, given how miserable I’ve been for the past two years. Nope. I have to prepare myself for the worst, so that just in case the worst happens I won’t have some sort of breakdown. I start thinking that maybe my life now isn’t so terrible, which normally would be a good thing, except that I know as soon as the fear […]
Honestly, I don’t drink much at all, and I haven’t had anything in years because it’s not really my favorite thing, but lately I feel like I want to have just one night of drunken misery/celebration/reveling.
I’m in the middle of coming to terms with certain issues, certain people, and certain unsavory truths, so dammit, I would like to drink myself stupid for one night.
When I do this, I will post on SP throughout the evening so you can all see me at my weirdest. (Because what are friends for, right?)
In the interests of good manners, I will try to keep most of it contained […]
Let’s say you have a job. Your job is assembling furniture to sell to other companies.
Let’s say I have a job. My job is bringing you shit to assemble, and taking what you have assembled to its next stage of commerce.
How about you don’t treat me like a piece of shit? How about you don’t act as if I’m the worst inconvenience in your life?
I don’t mind bringing you something to do, or taking what you’ve done. In fact I rely on this chain to survive. As do you ass wipe. You’re overstocked? I don’t place the order, OK? Talk to your boss. You’re over […]
Do you ever just stay up late til like 5am and just struggle to find a reason to not kill yourself? I have done this for the past 2 weeks.
The worst feeling in the world, is being treated like a second option, and feeling unwanted. Being with someone who constantly makes up excuses for not seeing you and then wonders why I get upset so often.
My family disowned me. I have 0 hobbies. 0 friends. I do nothing with my life except go to work and be bored as fuck in my house alone.
I tried to kill myself once, obviously failed. At first I thought, […]
Another day without her.
Another day with the painful memories of the past.
Another day I need to move my stuff out. 7 days left here at this place that saw everything fall apart.
Another day still don’t know where going to next.
3 cigarettes and memories of how things once were, where things were going, between sips of black coffee, trying to wrap my head around how things came to this. How I became this person, unrecognizable from photos taken only 10 months before.
The fear it’ll never get better, and only possibly worse.
Homeless at 34, abandoned hope for a brighter future, the […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
just a thought it’s not actually that easy to commit suicide or it takes a hell of a lot of courage sure it dose take a bit of courage to try overdose
but other methods takes a lot more courage and have to be planned out properly or you will wind up in a worst state then you already are
so what are the opinions here ?
Living a depressed and miserable life ?
plan and trying harder next time ?
Hoping things will get better ?
Go to a country were you can use the method you choose ?
At this point i think I’m more scared of living then dying […]
You would think it doesn’t hurt anymore. When people come in my life, gain my trust and friendship, then rip away a piece of me as they walk away like I never meant anything to them. But the truth is, it hurts so much more each time it happens. It hurts so bad that I feel numb until another part of me disappears. It hurts so bad because of the feeling that I only ever made friends from pity and I cared about them more than myself. It hurts so bad that it puts me almost to tears, but then a dark part of me […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.