I know it’s crazy, but the planning keeps me going.
While I may have spontaneous impulses to end it, there are matters that only I can tie up. Considering the potential grief I might cause by my passing of “natural causes”, it seems as though I should at least leave things as up to date and sellable as possible.
While considerate timing has been important in the past, in reality, no time is a good time, but it probably would be best if I could make it through the holidays, but I’m not married to it. Late spring would be best, … but why in the hell should I hang on that long!?! For others? Who is anyone to demand that I continue suffering for their sake?
In the meantime, having the means is of great comfort to me. With chaos being the new normal, it’s nice having a tiny measure of control over one thing.
While I believe in the afterlife (NDEs) and have read many spiritually based deterrents, I found a shred of hope that a relatively few number of souls have been able to be decommissioned from reincarnation (recycling) to grow in consciouness. If I’ve lived nearly 2,000 previous lives, and my current expeience is the culmination of past life skills and wisdom, the process is neither economical or efficient. Fading into nonexistence would for me be bliss indeed, but you all hang in there, yada, yada, etc.
Here are some interesting deterrants…
http://www.healpastlives.com/pastlf/exercise/indxplex.htm