I have been under constant monetary stress since i was 12. I always felt it was my responsibility to be a breadwinner. Every happy moment, every sad moment was suffocated by this false responsibility. now i feel like ii cant live without it. The second my life returns to some amount of safety, security , and normalcy i spiral into a depression. I hurt myself or get hurt by others until I’m back in some impossible situation.
I should just end it now, its apparent that I will only serve to make those around me miserable. It’s apparent im incapable of a normal life. Ive been underwater so long I cant breath air.
5 comments
Is there a particular situation taking place that is rocking the normalcy? If the normalcy is being shaken each time, perhaps there is some thought process (and resulting action) that is causing a domino effect. I can imagine that this results in a lack of confidence that things will stay normal. That probably doesn’t help the depression. In one respect, it’s good that you recognize the cycle. At the same time, this recognition can be frustrating.
Absolutely do not end it. The fact that normalcy can exist shows its potential. It’s a matter of making it stick around longer. Are there people in your life you can speak with? Perhaps there are resources in your community that you can work with. If you can work on the tough spots, you can probably push through.
it is always the same. short term, achievable goal. some unexpected turn of events. the short term goal is replaced by a harder to achieve long term goal. I almost achieve the long term goal. almost have time to relax and stop trying quite so hard. then the cycle starts all over again. I’d pick a smpler goal, but im already at the lowest level.
Maybe just keep things at the lowest level for a while? If the snafu happens with the short-term being replaced by the long-term, then maybe it’s best to keep things simple. While procrastination is often not the best strategy, maybe a short delay in this situation is appropriate. The stability will certainly help your confidence and the reduced stress will probably benefit you.
What types of goals are we speaking about? Generally speaking…
I just want to work and go to school and not be homeless.
I dont want to be ungrateful. I dont want to be selfish. I just want some understanding.
I just don’t have anything to offer in return.
Fair enough. If you have a roof over your head and can eat, go from there. Keep whatever job you’re working at to get you through school. Lots of schools offer online courses and that makes seeking a degree easier. (If you’re in school now and you have stable housing, focus on school.)
Life isn’t always a two-way street. Maybe you have nothing to offer at the moment and that’s fine. We’re all at varying chapters in life. Those chapters change. Once you’ve completed school and you’re in the job you want, you’ll probably be in a better position. Be patient and don’t rush yourself. You’ll get there.
Pace yourself. Let yourself breathe. If something comes up, think about it. There’s probably a solution. School and work can be stressful… but they can also be gratifying.