If you’re reading me darling love,

if you were reading me i’d be scared because then you’d really know how bad I get without you how bad I’ve been but I guess I enjoy the satisfaction that even if you read how crazy I was you’d at least find out  how you were the only one who kept me sane for a little while. Sane is probably the wrong word HAPPY? HEALTHY? I don’t know lively to say the least. You see without you I see how filthy the world has become you were the best distraction you were the only good man my only good man. Oh how we talked nothing, how we talked  everything. For you I would say yes , get your name written in ink the best 4 letters I’ve seen .. if you got down on one knee it be YES , what every you needed it be yes. But thats the thing  baby you never needed anything from me and I was just waiting TO BE USEFUL TO YOU. I was just waiting for you to need me. I wish it was all  ball gowns and lavish liquor for us honey,  I wish it be as easy as you being drunk to love me. You are everything good in the world you are bliss a blissful dream. I am a queen of disaster you deserve better. But just settle for me. I may not be funny but I’ll make you laugh , I may not help but I’ll watch you cry, I may not be rich but I’ll show you my gold , I may lack qualities but I will love you like no other I will love you like my father. And most of all I will do anything in my being to make you feel how you make me feel. I will try forever.