A family member and two celebrities killed themselves this year. We know Robin Williams, but another is a well-known innovator in the veterinarian world (Sophia Yin). I relate to Sophia the most.
People around me tell me that I’m amazing and can’t believe what I’m accomplishing; I’m such a good friend; I’m an amazing animal trainer. They confide in me that they are ultra depressed. One family member is in/out of a mental ward. My mother and father are now gone; my brother doesn’t keep in touch. I contacted someone who once loved me (I think?) but who always hurt me…I’m forgettable or ignorable or… Why would I contact him? Don’t answer. It sent me tumbling.
My thoughts aren’t in order, I’m just spouting the random things going off in my head. I have some good people around me. I’m considered one of the stable ones. I take anti-depressants. I have my dog whom I love and give the world to, but so did Sophia. Her dog was as famous as she.
I just…some people seem to be able to weather disappointment better than I. Another friend died of cancer a couple of months ago; a classmate died last December. I have a hard time not feeling envy. What’s worse–they didn’t want to leave.
No children and glad of it in this tragic world. My mother wrote a poem…”Lambs to slaughter.” She felt that’s what she did by bringing her two children into a world that was insane (my brother was drafted into Vietnam—we moved for a possible escape to another country.)
I have a newish friend who talks about wishing for death and possible suicide all the time. I’m bracing myself as I see that she is becoming unfit for the challenge of doing what it takes to get employment and will surely lose her home. Our common interest are our dogs. Everything she touches seems to turn to dust. I’m fighting to work 2 jobs and save $$. Her parents both died young and she has a lousy family. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but she does have just about every reason to leave. I see that she is done and wants to go. I understand her point of view. Should you try to stop someone? That’s a rhetorical question.
To my dog…I owe it to you not to leave you abandoned. Sometimes you’re a jerk to other dogs and I’ve taken heat for that, but I need to do good by you. I felt a tiny lump somewhere on my body that I’ll have checked out soon. There is a part of me that is hoping it’s my ticket out. If there was someone I cared about, I would probably change my mind. I think…
This is a bad day. 🙁
4 comments
Sounds like a bad day. I have a hard time dealing with bad days lately. Are you the same? I too have wished for a lump or something similar to take me out. Then there’s no stigma right?
Thank you, Joey, yes, I come and go with how much I can tolerate a bad day and disappointment. No, there’s no stigma if you get sick and die…which will happen eventually.
hugs sorry its a bad day for you
Bad days are more than just that, they suck everything from you. Trying not to tell everyone who even looks at you to f@#k off is a struggle too. Here if you need to chat dude.