My suicide story

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. My upbringing was not the best. My childhood consist of homelessness, molestation and verbal abuse. I fought very hard in my childhood, as well as my teenage years to become successful. I kept telling myself, if I worked hard one day I would have a family of my own. Deep down, I knew that I had depression and anxiety. I thought that I would have time to address these concerns at a later date.

I managed to make my way through college. Still living in isolated life and fearful of relationships with others.

Over this last year, I had a mental breakdown. My mental breakdown is still partially unclear to me, one thing I know for certain is that I compartmentalize to my life. Whether it was intentional or not that is the fact. As a result, I am alone and going through a divorce.

The one thing I kept telling myself growing up, I will have a family of my own one day. I would create the family that I never had growing up. A family where, we loved one another, we were loyal and stable.

The reality, based upon my previous history has shown that I am not good at relationships. I compartmentalize my life as a defense mechanism. I isolate. These characteristics, are not consistent with my dreams.

I am tired. I’m tired of hurting people, even though that was never my intent. I’m tired of not feeling good enough. I’m tired of the daily excruciating pain I feel. I keep tricking myself saying, do this one activity and then you can kill yourself. I don’t know what will happen to me, my hope is that others will find inner peace as I have not been successful.