I want to reply with the chorus from Metallica’s song Trapped Under Ice, but that’s just opening pandora’s box and I really don’t want to guide anyone down my rabbit hole of misery.
Freezing
Can’t move at all
Screaming
Can’t hear my call
I am dying to live
Cry out
I’m trapped under the ice
I feel like that every weekend, when I’m laying in bed, blanket pulled up over my head. I have every thought in the world for productive things I could do, but I never move. I spent the majority of this past weekend laying in bed sulking silently. The only time I left home was to re-stock my kitchen with supplies. As I perused the grocery store shelves, Trapped Under Ice was randomly selected by my Ipod and every lyric buckled my knees. I thought back to moments before when I was laying in bed staring at the wall, willing myself to get up and begin my novel but unable to summon the motivation.
Crystallized, as I lay here and rest
Eyes of glass stare directly at death
From deep sleep I have broken away
No one knows, no one hears what I say
Every word of that song describes my everyday life. How could that be? I thought my struggle was unique but perhaps all of our misery is intertwined in some grand, poetic way. This post will be the most productive thing I do all day (I don’t count my 9-5 job as being productive).
I don’t know how to live trough this hell
Woken up, I’m still locked in this shell
Frozen soul, frozen down to the core
Break the ice, I can’t take anymore