I sink into worlds of fantasy, faraway lands where I don’t even exist. Because in these stories the hero is never afflicted, never has any mental ailment, they just persevere and eventually they get the girl, defeat the villain and live happily ever after. This isn’t one of those stories. I’d never get the girl even if I tried. There is no happily ever after. And I’m the villain of this story. Sure you can fight yourself, you can even destroy yourself, but there is no scenario where I come out on top. No version of this where I win. Ultimately I will keep suffering, and I’ll make those around me suffer for it.
Book’s finished, go to bed kids.
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My mind drifts off constantly, it’s like a day dream, but i’m fully awake and it feels very real. I’m either the villian or the one who kills themselevs. They’re very disturbing, I can’t drift back into reality until someone practically hits me. It’s kind of scary. But some times, just some times, i’m fully in control and I get to choose the path and te outcome. But a majority of the time, this thing inside decides for me.