I’m sending up a prayer
To the emptiness up stairs
I cry in desperation
And hope that someone hears
I’ve been taught so much
About clinging to my fears
And how a single touch
Can dry up every tear
Who is my saving grace
Does my hero have a name
Should I be looking to myself
To numb all of my pain
I’m tired of trying
Id rather hold your hand
I wouldn’t feel like dying
If someone tried to understand
19 comments
Hey, haven’t seen for for a bit, how’ve you been?
*haven’t seen you for a bit
I’ve been okay. Pushing myself one day at a time. Been too busy to even breathe let alone get online. Thanks for asking. What about you?
Well at least you’re doing okay.
I’ve been..well, I’ve been better, but at least you’re doing okay, that’s what matters.
Nonono. Your well being is every bit as important as mine. I don’t know what you’re going through right now, but I really hope it gets better. You seem to be such a caring and selfless person. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else.
Haha, thanks, but all I really care about is that other people are okay. I would insert a stupid joke, but I can’t think of any right now.
nice poem!
hey you have become so famous
medium dot com/@bambang/my-journey-to-the-suicide-project-9e646007fbd8
i found out some bambang ramdhan has posted your march 5 post “Confessions to an Old Friend”
in medium dot com
Haha handing some mixed emotions about that. But hey. Whatever works, I guess. Thanks for sharing. That was interesting.
*having
Thanks for sharing your wonderful poem with us. Made me cry because it really touched me. Made me wish I had a hero to save me. Only one person can do that for me, and she is the one that pushed me down this hole in the first place. And she has absolutely no desire to save me. Probably wouldn’t want to see me dead, either, but her indifference is overwhelming. To her (and her three kids I helped raise for almost 6 years) I don’t exist anymore, and quite frankly, in their minds right now I never existed at all. The last 6 years have been wiped out just like a hard drive. No salvation possible for me.
That’s a hard thing to go through. I really hope you find your peace. Even in the midst of that sort of unbearable heart break.
Sweet fancy moses you’re talented, Sams! Like seriously amazingly talented. Slightly off topic, but I’ve always wondered if exceptional artists always deal with exceptional pain. As if they possess a heightened sensitivity that makes them great artists but also demolishes their personal lives. And, given the choice, is it a worthwhile tradeoff? Well for what it’s worth you seem to have gotten a heavy dose of both…
Back to False Prayers, I think your answer is the line “Should I be looking to myself / To numb all of my pain” Of course that can be read in 2 very different ways. Choosing life or choosing death. Either way, the power rests with you. Whether or not you consciously meant it, the theme of roses symbolizes a powerful beauty that you still believe in, even if its petals may fall.
I gave up waiting for a hero. Like in the movie Harry Met Sally, I’ve just sorta accepted that my savior is either “(a) not at home, (b) home but doesn’t want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately wants to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy” But you’re so right… sometimes it’s just too tiring to fight alone and we just want to take someone’s hand for once.
I would say you’re in the rare position of having “someone” who understands you, and I don’t mean any human being or even a god. I’m talking about your art being the reflection of yourself that, maybe, can give you some stability. Your self portrait is incredibly precise, deliberate and structured. Same thing I’ve noticed with all your photo compositions. Nothing sloppy at all. All this tells me that somewhere in your mind you can make sense of all this chaos. Can *that* person, the Sams on the other side of the drawing, be your saving grace?
Anyway, long ramble, but as always your post really affects me. Maybe because I feel like we’re going through parallel universes. I hope you post tons more… or if you’re not sure about sharing your stuff publicly feel free to email me, or just to unload whatever… saltempire at null dot net. I might not be around here for a while because I want to try an experiment to see if not thinking about suicide makes me less inclined to doing it.
I may take you up on that offer at some point. Thanks.
You really seem to understand my work perfectly no matter what the medium. That’s a nice change. I’ve gotten so used to people telling me to fix myself or something like that. I had started to think that I should just keep these things to myself.
That’s a nice sketch.
A mechanical pencil will define each individual eyelash/hair. A kneaded eraser can create highlights, like making the lips glisten, etc. Graphite pencils and a tortillon or blending stump (plus cotton swab) are essential during the shading or texturizing process (skin shouldn’t make contact with the high quality paper — the natural oils can ruin your art piece)………. :]
But you probaby knew that already. >.>
Oops… *probably*
Lol yeah. But all I have right now is a mechanical pencil and some paper. Kind of trashed everything a while back. Got fed up and threw it away.
Budding talent shouldn’t waste away — cherish and cultivate your art — sure life is finite but you gotta bloom like those beautiful roses you drew!
Ah, if I’m being annoying….sorry.
o(>___<)o
You aren’t annoying in the least. I genuinely appreciate the encouragement.