This is a fairly long rant so I apologize ahead of time.
I read up on something called emotional abuse today. Apparently I myself am being abused. To put things into context I’m in 9th grade and I live with my father. I had thought abuse was when a parent raped you or beat you up everyday. Multiple sources said it isn’t always physical. My father’s been abusive for as long as i can remember; the earliest dating back to when I was maybe two and he nearly pushed me down a flight of stairs. I always thought his temper was normal, that this was just how my family’s culture (I’m the first generation born in America) is. Around the age of 8 my dad got a girlfriend and she was paranoid, manipulative, and abusive herself. her disposition matched with my fathers temper led to a shit ton of broken furniture, bleeding, and an even worse relationship with my father. It’s exhausting. I spend everyday teetering precariously between general apathy and being ready to burst into tears the minute my father berates me for not drawing a straight line (which has happened before). On top of everything I don’t even know if it’s abuse or if he’s right and I’m just too sensitive and “Western” .
4 comments
I just replied to a post and I think I would reply similar here. See “Help” by rocher0115 posted today.
You say you are the first generation born? May I ask your family’s culture of origin? I’m fairly well versed with Asian style parenting (someone I dated was a 1st generation american).
As to emotional abuse, its really hard to pin down. So I would go with a loose definition of anything that makes you feel worthless or strangles your sense of identity. Mostly its about the effect it has on you.
Either way, we are here for you, keep posting! There are lots of people in similar age groups or situations here.
Thanks for the response,
My father is ,ethnically, Loko from Sierra Leone. It’s a country on the western coast of Africa *Lion King blares in the distance*.
I’m not too familiar with Asian culture; mainly due to how many different ethnicities and regions are involved.
Your definition of what the abuse is seems pretty fitting in my case. I’m still figuring it out.
Thank you for the support 🙂
Sorry, sure don’t have any experience there. Take me up on my offer, see the post “An Offer” posted today.
Either way, we are all in this together, I hope you read my response to rocher0115.
I dunno, maybe it does not mean much.
We are all in this together, I’m rooting for you!
i apologize for not responding sooner. i read your comment on rocher0115’s “Help”, it was really interesting.
I think I understand Paul’s paradoxial love for his dad. It’s hard to explain but I think the best analogy is Stockholm’s Syndrome. This person has kidnapped you and is hurting you. You understand thats wrong, but you love them or at least sympathize with them to the point of disregarding the shit they put you through, maybe not all the time but enough. Just enough for you to start questioning whether or not there is actually anything wrong.
I also read your offer. I think it’s really cool of you to do something like that to help other people. I don’t want you to spend money necessarily. I’ll try to see if the book is at a nearby library.