this is my first post. I just need to get some stuff off my chest everyday I think about it little bit everyday know I shouldn’t do this I know I shouldn’t thank it the idea keeps coming in my head. and I try to take it out of my head in every time it just keeps wanting to come back. I tend to push everything a person that I love away from me they wanted me to leave I find myself alone and I can’t stand it. feel like I hurt myself every time I see you.
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That’s awful. Honestly, I can empathise. Having thoughts that you really don’t want to have is frustrating. Even worse when you have very little control over them.
I hope you are somehow able to gain more control over the intrusive thoughts though, or at least be able to not react towards it as much with your feelings.
When I used to attend therapy sessions, a piece of advice which was given was to keep the distressing thoughts in mind, let them stay there and they will go away by themselves or its impact will diminish over time. Otherwise, it would continue with its vicious cycle. Not sure if you could apply it in this situation – this advice was applied to anxiety at the time.
I push people away. I don’t know why. I just do.
“I had true love
I made it die
I pushed her away
She said please stay
Burning every bridge that I cross
To find some beautiful place to get lost”
– Elliot Smith