male, 29, 130lbs/58kg
diagnosed: major depressive disorder, ocd, generalized anxiety disorder
prescribed: sertraline 200mg/day, xanax .5mg and zolpidem 10mg as needed
i’m trying to get help from my family physician on tuesday. i was in therapy with a psychologist for a while but stopped going because i couldn’t afford to get help, and support my manipulative ex. we have a son. i attempted during her pregnancy and spent a few days with waived human rights in a psychiatric hospital.
in my relationship i was used for money and hit a lot. there was constant berating and verbal abuse. i’m going through a divorce and don’t really get to see my son for more than a couple hours a week. i don’t have friends and i don’t go out because that only calls attention to myself. i’m severely depressed and anxious, and i see life as pointless with no purpose or meaning.
i’m a long time marijuana smoker, but in the last 6 months have begun recklessly self-medicating with highly toxic drugs. my doctor has stopped refilling my xanax because i was finishing a bottle every week-2 weeks (it can only be refilled every 30 days in my state in the usa). i began using coke with an acquaintance in january, and by february was buying an eight ball or more every weekend. it stopped working soon thereafter…
so out of xanax, unable to find a benzo or opiate dealer, and burned on blow, i started smoking ice. i’ve barely slept since march, and i would guess that i physically age about 5 years every 30 days. it’s the most crippling addiction that i never could have imagined. i do my best to stay numb but i’ve abused it so often that i’ll be dead before i can get high again, unless i start slamming.
i can’t go back to inpatient or rehab. i can’t look crazy in court or i’ll never see my son. i hope to be treated with my doctor’s recommendation of therapist/psychiatrist and medication. so my question for anyone that would like to offer their input: is it safe for me to tell my doctor about my drug addiction/suicidality with the notion that i might be bi-polar or have bpd?
thank you to anyone who answers.
6 comments
You may feel anxious/fearful telling your doctor that you have drug addiction but in the end it will help you. think of the long term. Maybe your doctor will be able to help you. But if you will not tell it to the doctor, it will damage you.
May you get well soon. Or get what you want.
It depends what your goal is here. Do you want to get help for your addiction to drugs or do you want to continue to use but stay under the radar? If you tell your family physician about being suicidal he is legally bound to report it IF he believes you are a danger to yourself or others. That is the question. Will what you share with him cause him to be alarmed and report you?
I was “voluntarily” admitted to the psych ward after a public suicide “attempt” that was really more of a gesture. I was held against my will for 5 days. I made the mistake of being honest the first day or two. But soon I realized that the only way to get them to discharge you is to tell them what they want to hear. And it worked. So when it comes to mental/emotional issues, I’m always very cautious about what I share with a healthcare provider. Because as much as some of them would like to help you, their number one priority will always be to cover their own ass.
I really wanted to offer some advice here, but my knowledge is not enough to make any kind of recommendation.
I wish you all the best and hope some other people could shed some light x
Its a catch 22 situation. I too would love to be honest and seek “help” even if I know its all futile at least I could get it off my chest, but at the same time they will use things you say against you to screw your life even more.
I would always be cautious about any information I volunteer, but try to volunteer enough to get help. Its a tricky balancing act, but I wouldn’t be too open.
Also, just get off the drugs. I understand the addiction and pain suppression but lets be honest if you stay off them for longer it gets easier, and there’s always legal alcohol I guess in moderation.
In answer to the question can you be honest, I think yes and no. If you want to have a relationship with your son you should try to get off the drugs. The doctor can definitely help you with that. I was in a similar situation years ago and my doctor helped me get clean and I was able to address the bipolar issues and have several good years with my son. The one thing you want to be careful about is talking about suicide. If you admit to it they will definitely commit you. Usually I either deny being suicidal or I’ll admit I’ve had thoughts of suicide, but that I don’t have any plans to actually do it. Hope this helps. I know you have a long road ahead, but you’ll be amazed at the inner strength you’ll find that you didn’t know you had. Good luck!
Oh my heart goes to you. Xanax withdrawals are awful. Sounds like you went cold turkey off of Xanax and suffering greatly. You may either try to weather the storm since you haven’t had any seizues I hope (which are the worst withdrawal symptom), or find a dr to reinstate you on Xanax and slowly taper. How long has it been since your last Xanax?