What happens after everything

I feel awfully confused, overanalyzing every single move, thought that comes into my mind. A couple of weeks ago, I had my first anxiety attack which I think I’m recovering. I haven’t had any symptoms lately, I sleep well and eat when my body asks for food, it isn’t very hard waking up, I can concentrate, I tend to forget small things but I think I’m doing fairly well. But sometimes I don’t really know how I feel although there is a sense of emptiness. I often contemplate suicide and think that my life is not that bad, that I have been strong, that I still have the same goals although I haven’t been working on them, I have friends although right now I want to avoid some. I have so many mixed feelings and thoughts that it scares me because they keep persisting. I keep being obsessed that I must have something wrong or sometimes I reproach myself because I’m overreacting and insecure.  All I know and what I can be exact is that I want to sleep and cease to exist. I looked for help, I talk with my mom, everything’s fine. They help me, they do but I don’t know if I really want to help myself. My life isn’t that bad, I have everything, I have friends and family that care for me, I’m in college, I’m healthy but I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m still confused.