I am 20. It’s been 4 years now. Everyday I say to myself “I want to die”. You know the little games we play in our mind. Mine is – saying to myself “I want to die”.
It started off due to academic pressure, then bullies, then other tensions. Eventually I am now a failure everywhere. If we meet someday, you wouldn’t be able to tell that I am suicidal. I wish you could. No way can sense how unhappy I am. I am just another introvert in front of society. Inside I am a tired guy screaming in tears – “I WANT TO DIE”.
I am in the best college of my country. But I don’t see a good career ahead. So I don’t see a purpose in living. I should die.
Why am I alive? Two more years to my graduation. I am hoping things sort out until then. But the voice inside me that wants to kill me won’t ever go away. I know that for sure.
3 comments
I feel ya pain, been there.I know It’s a really dark place. I was struck by depression back in college, academic pressure was on the rise and the guilt that came with being homosexual just almost tore me apart. The future was pretty grim and I wanted to die. I was introverted (still am) and didn’t have anyone to talk to. I hated my course, so I dropped out and did what I loved. You just gotta find your passion, something that makes you happy. And learn to embrace who you are and how you feel. Just in case you wanna talk, get me on yahoo, “pkeizy”. I just hope you feel better, peace
I hear you. Just know that you are not alone and there is hope!
The voice inside you won’t go away but you can change the record. It’s a process but it’s possible to do. How do I know? Because I managed to do it. When you next time hear the voice, why don’t you try to say back to it that “I like my life” and find one reason why. Yes, it can be challenging but it’s worth it. Test it out for one week and see how you feel. Love & Light to you!
It’s torture, having those words stuck in your head and feeling like you won’t be accepted for who you are. I don’t believe you are a failure for who you are as a person. It’s unfortunate there are people in this world who want us to feel that way, but I doubt their opinion is worth two cents.
It’s good you are going to continue and graduate. I suppose if you have one thing to look forward to, you can keep going. Speaking from experience, I’d advise you not to look too far ahead into the future. I always felt that made everything worse.