I’m contemplating, stewing, thinking, and I can’t see any exits. I’m poor; well-educated (I have two Bachelor’s degrees in different fields) but not in the right fields, too old to retrain in a new field, and crushed beneath a depression that I can’t get out from under. Soon I’ll be evicted, and my car will be repossessed; I’m in arrears on both, despite working every day. I can’t afford my anti-depressant medication. I can’t afford therapy. I’m divorced, have been for a while, and haven’t been on a date in years (not for lack of trying, but I’m a bit heavy, and I have the kind of face that makes people say I have a great personality). I’m developing tooth problems from malnutrition, and I can’t afford a dentist.
The only reason I haven’t taken my own life is that I am concerned that it would hurt other people, and that my pets would die before I was found. Now I have a room-mate (I’m still getting evicted), so that’s not an issue any longer. I don’t know what I’m looking for here; I have my note ready (“I apologize for the inconvenience”) and am confident in my capacity to finish myself. Things are not going to get better; they’ve started out bad and gotten worse over the years. I guess I just needed to work out if this is a logical next step. I think that it is.
3 comments
I lost my full time jobs about 5 years ago and then finances got really bad. After a while of not finding work I started to seriously think of suicide. I am very close to my father and my death would crush him. I love him and could not do that. That and the love for my dog pretty much kept me away from suicide. Now things have improved. Still not working full time, but with part time I am able to get by–barely though. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can turn things around.
If you could find a home for your pets would you accept a happy life that required you to leave everything behind: jobs, friends, family, and possessions?
peacecorps dot gov
If I was 20 years younger this would be a viable option.