Ive gotten to the point where i dont really feel bad for a number of things. I still feel in the ‘wrong’ on a social stance because i feel that i might be lacking empathy and well thats my own self analysis. Im entitle to it right? I do feel at times im horrible, a monster it would be better to burn my bridges than to subject those who still care to my ups and downs. But then they’re also choosing to stick around when they know how bad things can get with me.
Things have never felt or seemed so clear before. A lot of my self harm or impulsive motions in the past were in the moment. Trapped in the hurt and just wanting a way out but now with so much time passing ive learned that my choice is now. Not influenced in a snap judgement but in the clarity of knowing the freedom it will bring. I know i want to end it. I will do it on my own terms. Not because i feel like its the only way but because its genuinely what i want.
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I would normally say don’t do it (but who am i to stop you), as far as i know we humans find strength out of nowhere, but anyway i wish that you’ll find peace in whatever you’ll decide to do.
If it’s really what you want and things stay that way, I wouldn’t try to stop you. I hope you find the freedom you’re searching for. It would be great if you found it here in life, but I know it doesn’t always work that way.