My life is literally one huge fucking mess. I have no direction whatsoever, I can’t decide for the life of me what I even want to do with this shitty life of mine. I’m a walking contradiction, I can never make any fucking decisions, probably because I can never visualise a positive outcome of any situation ever because my life is so fucking shit. Nothing at all makes me happy, I have no fucking hobbies because I’m too much of a lazy coward to ever put my mind to anything. I have a shitty, dead end retail job which makes my hate my pathetic life more and more every day. I’m in a relationship with the most selfish, inconsiderate, unsupportive person ever who makes me hate myself even more. If it wasn’t for this relationship id probably be a much happier person, but the relationship also provides me with the only friendships I have so ending it would leave me completely alone. Most of my family despises me. I despise myself, but I’m too much of a coward to ever end my life. I literally spend every minute of every day thinking about how much of a failure I am. Why the hell was I born?
2 comments
well the birds and the bees got arockin in the trees and one stork ride later hello! Have you ever considered flipping a coin or rolling a die to figure out what to do? Even if you can’t picture a positive result why not try anyway, you could be surprised and enjoy yourself. That relationship sounds a bit toxic for you, but I understand your reluctance to end it, no one likes being alone but sometimes it’s better in the long run. I’ve got hobbies that I admittedly don’t put much work into, but it’s a way to pass the time, and if you ever get bored you can always prepare for the alien invasion (They are out there and coming I HAVE SEEN THEM O_o)Thinking too much about how awful you are will just pull you deeper into that spiral and make it that much harder to pull out. I bet you’re not half as awful as you say, though maybe I’m wrong and you’re the devil incarnate, if so hey I sold my soul to you years ago and I never got that ice cream, what gives?
Spending every waking moment thinking about how much of a failure you are? Oh man, that is badd. 🙁
It’s not a bad thing to not know what you want to do with your life, but tbh it would help if you tried some new things. Just try 1 thing. Give it a month and see what happens. You’d be surprised.. You’d end up meeting people you’d enjoy spending your time with and the like.. Maybe then you’d be able to break it off with with boyfriend/girlfriend..
I can understand it not being easy to think of a positive situation from time to time (trust me I overthink, constantly), but sometimes you just need to stop, and and focus on your breathing, and nothing else. By the count of maybe 30 (30 breaths later), your mind should be a little clearer (at least) and you should be a good amount calmer, and then you’d be a little more able to see a brighter side. Perhaps bear with that crappy job, and use it as a sort of transition to something different (at least make some money while you try to figure out a hobby of some kind, and then quit when you find something more suitable..).. Anyways, all of this is just some advice… It’s completely up to you, to accept it or not.. I know you aren’t a terrible person, you are surely not a failure. Just don’t expect some one major thing to happen and suddenly everything falls into place. You have to try to do something.. Just try.. please..