I have failed to get control of my thoughts. It’s so hard for me to think good thoughts. Anything positive that comes to my head is thwarted and all I see is gloom and doom. Immobilizing existential crises and depression are steadily eating away at me. Advice gives me an anxiety attack. I always have a toxic serum tucked away under my pillow. My friend won’t talk to me anymore because she thinks I am irredeemable and I guess depression is contagious. I feel so guilty and worthless because she beat her depression and I am still stuck in this rut. I guess I can find answers in this serum. I am so fucking tired of this planet.
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There is a whole class of antidepressants out there that help slow down bad thoughts. Meditation is all about having a degree of control over your thought processes. These tools are readily available.
I refuse to believe that you are unredeemable until you show me where “This coupon is only valid until 10/05/2015” is printed on you.
I would really recommend finding something to change your thought process – ideally several techniques – and put aside any amount of time to practice them every day. You might have failed before now but that doesn’t mean you always will. 🙂 I started meditation about a month ago and it was incredibly painful (which is why I never continued with it in the past). It’s been agonising to face my mind like that. But over time it’s becoming easier. A few times I’ve felt calmer while I do it, and I know it’s made me calmer the rest of the time. I’ve had a few terrible days where I slipped back again, but overall it’s been lifting my depression and anxiety. It’s slow but it helps.
However severe it is, however long it’s been happening, you’re not irredeemable. You just haven’t found the right cures for you or your haven’t used/practiced them long enough to see results. Practice and patience is the key. Things won’t change overnight when you’re so severely affected.
Good luck to you, my dear. Even if you give up on yourself, I won’t give up on you. You only have to not-fail once to win over every time you’ve tried and it hasn’t worked. 🙂