I used to be a fighter, but I was always fighting against the wrong things. I gave up.
I’ve never been much of a positive thinker but I’m learning.
When I was in my 20s it was impossible for me to get out of bed. Then I got addicted to coffee. For decades now I bounce right out of bed no matter how awful I think the day might be. Drinking that first cup is that good! Go figure.
I hope you are having a good day, Tristabeno. Do I need to remind you that you are loved? What? Really? OK. Hey… You are loved.
Maybe that’s what my life needs — coffee. I like caffeine, but I don’t drink it daily, SeeSmith.
I know what I’m fighting against now and for the first time I’m my life I’m not fighting against “real” people, but against shadows of my past, this house and against my worst enemy: my depression. If I don’t insist, I stay in bed, complaining about my chronic pelvic pain and surfing the web rereading suicide methods over and over again. I understand so much about suicide methods that I bet I could write a book detailing how to make them work (in theory).
Thank you for reminding me that I’m loved. You’re loved and respected here; and one of our best comedians.
I do know I’m loved and I am always trying to show love for the people in my life and make them feel better and happier. Sadly, their love isn’t enough to save me from myself. Their love is part of the support system, but I’m the only person that can rescue myself at this point, and idk where I’m going or what I’m doing.
I hope you have a great day today. I’m about to leave the house now. I’m glad to see you around (:
Hey, Tris. 🙂 I’m about to get off SP for a while, but I wanted to say first that I really do think your life is blossoming. I hope you feel better soon. I hope you’ll feel things continuing to move forward. Lots of love to you (as always). Xx
Thank you, Trix. I hope it is, I really don’t want to stay where I am anymore. I’m tired of this limbo. Lots of love to you too and hopefully we will talk soon xx
It takes lots of time to recover from the ups and downs, it’s like losing a bet and owing lots of money, trying to recover takes a long time, but if you are recvering little by little you are on your way. Hang in there!
I am being used as a doormat. People abused me sexually, beat me, stole my money..I have a few attempts on my life. It is a miracled I survived this long. What should I say? I don’t fucking have money to kill myself with alcohol or anything else, pills..I have to use a knife or throw myself off a building, but they will stop me before I reach the roof. Try living in my country..
I was sexually abused for years, had to live with a sadistic pedophile, was raised in a Christian cult, ran away and was brought back home and had to stay indoors for two years… I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough life yourself.
I’m still alive after many suicide attempts too, but I guess that only two would be considered as *real*. If I had been a little more persistent in my last attempt, I probably wouldn’t be here anymore.
Living in my country isn’t exactly that amazing all the time, though I’m sure other countries are more violent, etc. I’m not sure when I will leave mine for good. That can happen in, idk, ten years. Hopefully in two or three. I don’t believe in “destiny”, but I’m making my own and I don’t think I should stay in this place. However, I’m simply getting ready to travel next year, not move.
Anyway…
Hopefully you will find a way to kick the people that use you as a doormat out of your life and be given a new chance to actually live the way you wish and deserve, in your country or somewhere else.
M, maybe give yourself a reward for getting through today, or through the morning, if that’s all you can make. Stop and pick up some chocolate, or some churros, or chocolate churros on the way home. Just to give you something to look forward to, other than just going back home and climbing in bed. Not much, but it’s the little victories, right?
I think I will choose chocolate, churros and chocolate churros — or simply be happy staring at those dozen kittens. Yes, you’re right. I need to allow myself to enjoy the little victories, and I’m really trying to let myself do that. The problem with me is the word *trying*!
Many hugs, T.
You’re worth it. You’re worth the happiness and beautiful life you seek.
Even if you feel you don’t deserve it, you will learn to say “yes” to yourself. I understand, my whole life has been one big “no.” Everyone said “no” to me, everything said “no,” so I started saying “no” to myself as well.
I needed to break free and then I just started saying “yes” to myself. “Yes, you deserve help.” “Yes, you deserve happiness.” You know, I still don’t believe it all the time but I write it down over and over to remind myself because even if everyone and everything else says “no,” I can say “yes.”
I don’t know, I’m rambling on. In April when I rejoined this site and just wanted to die, I never thought that now I’d be thinking “maybe I can give myself another chance, maybe there is something for me out there.” Unfortunately, we cannot make promises. Life doesn’t make promises.
I don’t know if I ever said thank you for the kindness you have given me. I have never experienced such kindness from someone in my life and I started to believe it didn’t exist. You’re a beautiful soul that I never thought I’d be lucky enough to encounter in my lifetime.
I understand the pain is still there. All the bad memories and the tears that come with it. Sometimes I lay in bed and remember everything from the past and let the tears fall. You can let them fall. You don’t have to hide them.
I think I’m bad at giving motivational speeches…haha. I just want you to know what a wonderful person you are and I believe you deserve the best. Sorry if I come off as a stalker sometimes lol. One day I’ll write and sing a song for you to let the world know about a beautiful flower that gave me hope.
Hugs and love my sister. Whenever you feel down just let your feelings out, don’t keep them inside.
Honestly motivational speeches have nothing on this comment lol. It’s so beautiful that I almost let a tiny tear roll down my face. Thank you, Hiohneh. You’re so adorable, you have no idea. I guess I will respond fully later today in private because honestly I’m too speechless to say anything meaningful right now — I have a big smile on my face. Hugs and love, have a beautiful day you too <3
Tristeza, I get where you’re coming from. You’re definitely worth it though; from my limited interactions with you I can still gather that you’re an amazing person. And if you’re just dreaming, that’s not such a bad thing, is it? I think it’s better to be dreaming than not, personally.
Thank you, Diem. Fight hard too, please. Keep fighting. I just read your post and I hope you wake up feeling better tomorrow, with the strength and hope that you deserve and always share with us. I can say the same about you: from my limited interactions with you I can still gather that you’re an amazing person. And don’t forget to dream (:
I must say, I’m always late. For everything -_-
Anyways, first of all, I love you, Tris! You bring so much love and light to us here. No matter what you go through, no matter how you feel, you are always able to help someone else, someone who really needs it, get through another day.
You’re fighting so very hard, every day.
Please understand that so many of us love you and want the best for you. We want you to “find that adventure” as a wise friend of mine keeps telling me myself.
You are forever my senpai, my Mayflower, my close friend…. You brings tears of joy to my eyes, and when it’s hard to feel anything, you managed to help me find a smile, even for just a little while..
You deserve your life to improve.. You deserve happiness..
Thanks for being there. I’m not going anywhere either 🙂
I hope we can stay friends for a long time…. I love you so much, sweetie. xoxo
Love,
Trey, the mindless gamer
You deserve happiness too, Trey. Thank you for always being a great person and for always trying to cheer people up. I hope that you can live a happier, meaningful life in the future. I’m glad I helped you that day and you helped me too, listening to my ramblings, especially the ones about my past with my mom’s religion. I wish you and your girl the very best, hugs x
You are an awesome, beautiful shining person. And that abyss was never meant to be a permanent stay for you, you bring too much light for it to surround you always. You should never question if you are worth it, because the answer is and always be a resounding YES. If you think Life is telling you No, then come back here because there are so many of us ready to tell you why that’s not the case. Not a stubborn fool, but a lovely soul. Not too damaged, you’re just still in the grips of the crucible. You are resilient, you have come so far and accomplished so much. My hope is that one day you will wake up and all of these negative feelings you have now will feel like the dream.
<3 ! xx
Thank you, Freeroma. You’re always so sweet and considerate, showing kindness toward other people. I really want to hear that yes from myself someday. I don’t have *big* dreams. I just want to leave this house, take care of my cats and hopefully forgive myself and leave my past behind, if possible; I guess that since I can’t erase it, I need to find a way of let it go. Hopefully I will make them come true someday xx
I think those dreams are huge, actually. If it brings you joy or even peace, then they are worth more than a desire for riches or wealth.
“forgive myself and leave my past behind” those are on my list too (also finding an egg that turns out to be a dragon, who shall be named Cuddles-It can happen!)
In seriousness.. I think any possibility of anything else on my dream list, or even a chance at actually living, hinges on leaving the demons behind, and.. I don’t know if it’s a possible thing for me. They have teeth, and they’re hanging on pretty tight.
I hope you are able to achieve it, even if I can’t.
I hope you are able to achieve your dreams as well, even if I can’t. No idea what I want besides cats, peace and a new place to live. I like thinking that my dreams aren’t big though! That makes me think I actually have a shot at making them come true. I’m so addicted to self loathing and negativity that I automatically think my plans will fail, so yep, I like calling my dreams “average” (they probably are when compared to others). Heh. Go figure, that’s how my mind works.
Hugs x
Tristeza, you are such a wonderful person. Right now, I feel very good. I wish I could give you some of my energy and celebrate together. You live in Brazil, the country of life and joy. It’s also a tough country but it’s worth living there.
I have many hopes for you. I think you will overcome your problems and find true life inside you.
“The country of life and joy” — that’s absolutely true, I couldn’t have described it better, haha. That’s one of the best things I like about my country. People always smile, no matter what. I’m glad to know you’re feeling so great. I don’t feel that well today, obviously, but I’m finally back home now. I have a headache, but I’m home so… Lol doesn’t matter that much. I hope you stay happy for a long, long time Hope. Sending you muito, muito amor! e muitos abraços. Você é uma pessoa especial, e sempre foi bom para mim.
Passionforalways, ce mai faci? Credeam ca esti un tanar de 28 de ani, dar de fapt esti o tanara.
Ce facultate ai absolvit? Ma gandeam ca ti-ai putea gasi un job in strainatate.
Hello Miss May 🙂
I want to see your life blossom into something beautiful. A Mayflower perhaps? 😉 I’m not going to lie to you and say that everything is going to get better in a flash and that you will wake up tomorrow and feel like wonder woman. However, I will tell you this: you are taking babysteps in the right direction. Maybe they are small, seemingly insignificant… but they carry you into a moment that was better than the one before. Unfortunately, healing takes so much time… but I want you to know that in your time, all of these wonderful people will be by you every step of the way. We will be here through your ups and downs, your lefts and your rights; all I ask is for you to stick around long enough to blossom love.
Sending mountains of love,
TaDB, Sam 🙂
Thank you, Sam. I truly appreciate your words and I believe that; I want to thank you all for listening to me. I hope I can always be here to see your lives blossoming as well.
Lol aw, now I’m really starting to believe my name is Mayflower.
I’m giving the first steps, yes. I’m addicted to self loathing though, so sometimes I wonder if things are worth the effort. If I’m worth the effort myself. I know this will be a long process, but I really wish I could wake up tomorrow feeling healed and done with this long part of my life.
Sending many hugs back!
I’m {almost desperately} trying to do that. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning, but I can’t stop now right? I need to find a way to keep swimming. Thank you, rocketman.
Tristeza,
That’s right, don’t swim up stream all the time, follow the path of least resistance too! let the current help carry you so you don’t get worn out.
Hi,
Easier said than done, but the only way one will know is if they do try… Never get your hopes up about anything. Ok sorry for sounding negative. I would surely hope that it will work out. Is it worth it? Hmmm… only you can know… but must try… Look, i know alot of us here loathe ourselves, say we’re a burden, we are this/that… Even if these thoughts are part of us, we.. I don’t expect people to put such thoughts behind them, especially when a horrible rapist is involved, but yeah i was bullied, i still haven’t really ‘gotten over’ it.
try to have some goal to work towards. If one goal goes haywire, then may need to find or make another goal. Its not so easy…
Remember us (SP), friend, we are here for you. Whenever you doubt yourself, remember you have made SP a better place for all of us.. You will be remembered here…
Keep searching, no matter how much you may think its not worth it or your not worth it… It won’t be easy. Maybe it will/won’t work out. But i think its better to weigh things up at the end. Even if horrible people/things try to block the path, push them out of the way!!! (not literally lol)
Lol that was funny! Thank you, no more. I will, I won’t let people get on my way anymore. It’s like every day brings these new possibilities… Yesterday I got an email from my university detailing our exchange students program and they basically said they’d pay for my education, I can stay a few months in Europe. However, there are no English speaking countries available for us this year. Tey said I can join anyway and travel to Sweden, Germany, etc. But since I don’t speak any other languages besides Portuguese and English a that would be a bit of a challenge. Agh, I’m talking so much… I don’t even know why. No idea what I should do, I have so many pros and cons to consider. I am definitely searching and still looking for ways to forgive/understand/love myself. But it’s a long process isn’t it?
Thank you for your advice, compliments and words of encouragement; you’ve made me smile many times. I appreciate everything you have to say and I’m sending you a big hug.
Yep! I mean, idk lol. It’s too soon to say that yes, I’m going to accept the offer because idk how I’d feel alone for months in a country where people don’t speak English, but I’d learn the country’s official language while attending the regular classes. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t be afraid but I feel too mentally/emotionally unstable to do something like that right now, but I really want to go. Maybe that’s what I need. I’m going to travel anyway though, I really want to visit someone.
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44 comments
I used to be a fighter, but I was always fighting against the wrong things. I gave up.
I’ve never been much of a positive thinker but I’m learning.
When I was in my 20s it was impossible for me to get out of bed. Then I got addicted to coffee. For decades now I bounce right out of bed no matter how awful I think the day might be. Drinking that first cup is that good! Go figure.
I hope you are having a good day, Tristabeno. Do I need to remind you that you are loved? What? Really? OK. Hey… You are loved.
Maybe that’s what my life needs — coffee. I like caffeine, but I don’t drink it daily, SeeSmith.
I know what I’m fighting against now and for the first time I’m my life I’m not fighting against “real” people, but against shadows of my past, this house and against my worst enemy: my depression. If I don’t insist, I stay in bed, complaining about my chronic pelvic pain and surfing the web rereading suicide methods over and over again. I understand so much about suicide methods that I bet I could write a book detailing how to make them work (in theory).
Thank you for reminding me that I’m loved. You’re loved and respected here; and one of our best comedians.
I do know I’m loved and I am always trying to show love for the people in my life and make them feel better and happier. Sadly, their love isn’t enough to save me from myself. Their love is part of the support system, but I’m the only person that can rescue myself at this point, and idk where I’m going or what I’m doing.
I hope you have a great day today. I’m about to leave the house now. I’m glad to see you around (:
Hey, Tris. 🙂 I’m about to get off SP for a while, but I wanted to say first that I really do think your life is blossoming. I hope you feel better soon. I hope you’ll feel things continuing to move forward. Lots of love to you (as always). Xx
Thank you, Trix. I hope it is, I really don’t want to stay where I am anymore. I’m tired of this limbo. Lots of love to you too and hopefully we will talk soon xx
Tristeza
It takes lots of time to recover from the ups and downs, it’s like losing a bet and owing lots of money, trying to recover takes a long time, but if you are recvering little by little you are on your way. Hang in there!
Thank you, rocketman. Wise words!
People are stalking my fb account and stealing my profile picture and using it to fool others..I should complain. Fuck.
I am being used as a doormat. People abused me sexually, beat me, stole my money..I have a few attempts on my life. It is a miracled I survived this long. What should I say? I don’t fucking have money to kill myself with alcohol or anything else, pills..I have to use a knife or throw myself off a building, but they will stop me before I reach the roof. Try living in my country..
I was sexually abused for years, had to live with a sadistic pedophile, was raised in a Christian cult, ran away and was brought back home and had to stay indoors for two years… I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough life yourself.
I’m still alive after many suicide attempts too, but I guess that only two would be considered as *real*. If I had been a little more persistent in my last attempt, I probably wouldn’t be here anymore.
Living in my country isn’t exactly that amazing all the time, though I’m sure other countries are more violent, etc. I’m not sure when I will leave mine for good. That can happen in, idk, ten years. Hopefully in two or three. I don’t believe in “destiny”, but I’m making my own and I don’t think I should stay in this place. However, I’m simply getting ready to travel next year, not move.
Anyway…
Hopefully you will find a way to kick the people that use you as a doormat out of your life and be given a new chance to actually live the way you wish and deserve, in your country or somewhere else.
You’re doing great May!!! I’m sure your life will get better!!!
Honestly, this is all i needed today, to read this post! thank you very much! :]
Thank you for the words, Darvin (: hugs. I hope you have a fantastic day.
M, maybe give yourself a reward for getting through today, or through the morning, if that’s all you can make. Stop and pick up some chocolate, or some churros, or chocolate churros on the way home. Just to give you something to look forward to, other than just going back home and climbing in bed. Not much, but it’s the little victories, right?
I think I will choose chocolate, churros and chocolate churros — or simply be happy staring at those dozen kittens. Yes, you’re right. I need to allow myself to enjoy the little victories, and I’m really trying to let myself do that. The problem with me is the word *trying*!
Many hugs, T.
And by the way, yes you ARE stubborn (thank goodness)! 😉
But you’re no fool.
I’m really stubborn, that’s true. Sadly imo, but true anyway! Lol
You’re worth it. You’re worth the happiness and beautiful life you seek.
Even if you feel you don’t deserve it, you will learn to say “yes” to yourself. I understand, my whole life has been one big “no.” Everyone said “no” to me, everything said “no,” so I started saying “no” to myself as well.
I needed to break free and then I just started saying “yes” to myself. “Yes, you deserve help.” “Yes, you deserve happiness.” You know, I still don’t believe it all the time but I write it down over and over to remind myself because even if everyone and everything else says “no,” I can say “yes.”
I don’t know, I’m rambling on. In April when I rejoined this site and just wanted to die, I never thought that now I’d be thinking “maybe I can give myself another chance, maybe there is something for me out there.” Unfortunately, we cannot make promises. Life doesn’t make promises.
I don’t know if I ever said thank you for the kindness you have given me. I have never experienced such kindness from someone in my life and I started to believe it didn’t exist. You’re a beautiful soul that I never thought I’d be lucky enough to encounter in my lifetime.
I understand the pain is still there. All the bad memories and the tears that come with it. Sometimes I lay in bed and remember everything from the past and let the tears fall. You can let them fall. You don’t have to hide them.
I think I’m bad at giving motivational speeches…haha. I just want you to know what a wonderful person you are and I believe you deserve the best. Sorry if I come off as a stalker sometimes lol. One day I’ll write and sing a song for you to let the world know about a beautiful flower that gave me hope.
Hugs and love my sister. Whenever you feel down just let your feelings out, don’t keep them inside.
I hope you have a beautiful day. ^__^ <3
Honestly motivational speeches have nothing on this comment lol. It’s so beautiful that I almost let a tiny tear roll down my face. Thank you, Hiohneh. You’re so adorable, you have no idea. I guess I will respond fully later today in private because honestly I’m too speechless to say anything meaningful right now — I have a big smile on my face. Hugs and love, have a beautiful day you too <3
Tristeza, I get where you’re coming from. You’re definitely worth it though; from my limited interactions with you I can still gather that you’re an amazing person. And if you’re just dreaming, that’s not such a bad thing, is it? I think it’s better to be dreaming than not, personally.
Fight hard :).
Thank you, Diem. Fight hard too, please. Keep fighting. I just read your post and I hope you wake up feeling better tomorrow, with the strength and hope that you deserve and always share with us. I can say the same about you: from my limited interactions with you I can still gather that you’re an amazing person. And don’t forget to dream (:
M
I must say, I’m always late. For everything -_-
Anyways, first of all, I love you, Tris! You bring so much love and light to us here. No matter what you go through, no matter how you feel, you are always able to help someone else, someone who really needs it, get through another day.
You’re fighting so very hard, every day.
Please understand that so many of us love you and want the best for you. We want you to “find that adventure” as a wise friend of mine keeps telling me myself.
You are forever my senpai, my Mayflower, my close friend…. You brings tears of joy to my eyes, and when it’s hard to feel anything, you managed to help me find a smile, even for just a little while..
You deserve your life to improve.. You deserve happiness..
Thanks for being there. I’m not going anywhere either 🙂
I hope we can stay friends for a long time…. I love you so much, sweetie. xoxo
Love,
Trey, the mindless gamer
You deserve happiness too, Trey. Thank you for always being a great person and for always trying to cheer people up. I hope that you can live a happier, meaningful life in the future. I’m glad I helped you that day and you helped me too, listening to my ramblings, especially the ones about my past with my mom’s religion. I wish you and your girl the very best, hugs x
You are an awesome, beautiful shining person. And that abyss was never meant to be a permanent stay for you, you bring too much light for it to surround you always. You should never question if you are worth it, because the answer is and always be a resounding YES. If you think Life is telling you No, then come back here because there are so many of us ready to tell you why that’s not the case. Not a stubborn fool, but a lovely soul. Not too damaged, you’re just still in the grips of the crucible. You are resilient, you have come so far and accomplished so much. My hope is that one day you will wake up and all of these negative feelings you have now will feel like the dream.
<3 ! xx
Thank you, Freeroma. You’re always so sweet and considerate, showing kindness toward other people. I really want to hear that yes from myself someday. I don’t have *big* dreams. I just want to leave this house, take care of my cats and hopefully forgive myself and leave my past behind, if possible; I guess that since I can’t erase it, I need to find a way of let it go. Hopefully I will make them come true someday xx
I think those dreams are huge, actually. If it brings you joy or even peace, then they are worth more than a desire for riches or wealth.
“forgive myself and leave my past behind” those are on my list too (also finding an egg that turns out to be a dragon, who shall be named Cuddles-It can happen!)
In seriousness.. I think any possibility of anything else on my dream list, or even a chance at actually living, hinges on leaving the demons behind, and.. I don’t know if it’s a possible thing for me. They have teeth, and they’re hanging on pretty tight.
I hope you are able to achieve it, even if I can’t.
I hope you are able to achieve your dreams as well, even if I can’t. No idea what I want besides cats, peace and a new place to live. I like thinking that my dreams aren’t big though! That makes me think I actually have a shot at making them come true. I’m so addicted to self loathing and negativity that I automatically think my plans will fail, so yep, I like calling my dreams “average” (they probably are when compared to others). Heh. Go figure, that’s how my mind works.
Hugs x
Tristeza, you are such a wonderful person. Right now, I feel very good. I wish I could give you some of my energy and celebrate together. You live in Brazil, the country of life and joy. It’s also a tough country but it’s worth living there.
I have many hopes for you. I think you will overcome your problems and find true life inside you.
Te amo, Manuel
“The country of life and joy” — that’s absolutely true, I couldn’t have described it better, haha. That’s one of the best things I like about my country. People always smile, no matter what. I’m glad to know you’re feeling so great. I don’t feel that well today, obviously, but I’m finally back home now. I have a headache, but I’m home so… Lol doesn’t matter that much. I hope you stay happy for a long, long time Hope. Sending you muito, muito amor! e muitos abraços. Você é uma pessoa especial, e sempre foi bom para mim.
Mayana
Passionforalways, ce mai faci? Credeam ca esti un tanar de 28 de ani, dar de fapt esti o tanara.
Ce facultate ai absolvit? Ma gandeam ca ti-ai putea gasi un job in strainatate.
Hello Miss May 🙂
I want to see your life blossom into something beautiful. A Mayflower perhaps? 😉 I’m not going to lie to you and say that everything is going to get better in a flash and that you will wake up tomorrow and feel like wonder woman. However, I will tell you this: you are taking babysteps in the right direction. Maybe they are small, seemingly insignificant… but they carry you into a moment that was better than the one before. Unfortunately, healing takes so much time… but I want you to know that in your time, all of these wonderful people will be by you every step of the way. We will be here through your ups and downs, your lefts and your rights; all I ask is for you to stick around long enough to blossom love.
Sending mountains of love,
TaDB, Sam 🙂
Thank you, Sam. I truly appreciate your words and I believe that; I want to thank you all for listening to me. I hope I can always be here to see your lives blossoming as well.
Lol aw, now I’m really starting to believe my name is Mayflower.
I’m giving the first steps, yes. I’m addicted to self loathing though, so sometimes I wonder if things are worth the effort. If I’m worth the effort myself. I know this will be a long process, but I really wish I could wake up tomorrow feeling healed and done with this long part of my life.
Sending many hugs back!
May
Tristeza,
Sorry to hear about your misfortune , forget that past and start a new one!
I’m {almost desperately} trying to do that. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning, but I can’t stop now right? I need to find a way to keep swimming. Thank you, rocketman.
Tristeza,
That’s right, don’t swim up stream all the time, follow the path of least resistance too! let the current help carry you so you don’t get worn out.
Thank you (:
I love the hell out of you. Keep fighting even if i always don’t. You’re incredibly strong and im incredibly proud of you. Keep going please
I’m proud of you too, Don. You’re very strong too, I always see that so clearly. Thank you for your words, you know you’re in my heart. Hugs.
??????
Those are supposed to be hearts lol damn WordPress
Aw, that’s OK. Here’s one <3
(:
Hi,
Easier said than done, but the only way one will know is if they do try… Never get your hopes up about anything. Ok sorry for sounding negative. I would surely hope that it will work out. Is it worth it? Hmmm… only you can know… but must try… Look, i know alot of us here loathe ourselves, say we’re a burden, we are this/that… Even if these thoughts are part of us, we.. I don’t expect people to put such thoughts behind them, especially when a horrible rapist is involved, but yeah i was bullied, i still haven’t really ‘gotten over’ it.
try to have some goal to work towards. If one goal goes haywire, then may need to find or make another goal. Its not so easy…
Remember us (SP), friend, we are here for you. Whenever you doubt yourself, remember you have made SP a better place for all of us.. You will be remembered here…
Keep searching, no matter how much you may think its not worth it or your not worth it… It won’t be easy. Maybe it will/won’t work out. But i think its better to weigh things up at the end. Even if horrible people/things try to block the path, push them out of the way!!! (not literally lol)
Lol that was funny! Thank you, no more. I will, I won’t let people get on my way anymore. It’s like every day brings these new possibilities… Yesterday I got an email from my university detailing our exchange students program and they basically said they’d pay for my education, I can stay a few months in Europe. However, there are no English speaking countries available for us this year. Tey said I can join anyway and travel to Sweden, Germany, etc. But since I don’t speak any other languages besides Portuguese and English a that would be a bit of a challenge. Agh, I’m talking so much… I don’t even know why. No idea what I should do, I have so many pros and cons to consider. I am definitely searching and still looking for ways to forgive/understand/love myself. But it’s a long process isn’t it?
Thank you for your advice, compliments and words of encouragement; you’ve made me smile many times. I appreciate everything you have to say and I’m sending you a big hug.
Ooooo travel! Nice.
Yep! I mean, idk lol. It’s too soon to say that yes, I’m going to accept the offer because idk how I’d feel alone for months in a country where people don’t speak English, but I’d learn the country’s official language while attending the regular classes. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t be afraid but I feel too mentally/emotionally unstable to do something like that right now, but I really want to go. Maybe that’s what I need. I’m going to travel anyway though, I really want to visit someone.
“idk how I’d feel alone for months in a country where people don’t speak English”
The terror of it all will do you good!