It has been quite a while since I last posted hasn’t it SP? I wonder if anyone on here remembers me. Anyways to the story……….
I am surprised that I am still here on this planet. But I guess the primary reason I haven’t killed myself was because of a repetition of parasuicides. Well life has been getting significantly worse for me socially, economically however I am doing quite well and I do have a lot of money, but regardless of that the problem that I face the most is social connection with other humans.
I decided to write a 5,000 word document about how I wanted to kill myself as well as explain my story to suicide, though I do not know if I want to present it to anyone that I know in real life. From what I have been researching online, you could be put into a mental institution if you are a suicidal person, someone verify for me what would happen if you told police, therapists, ect about your suicidal condition, I would appreciate it. The 5,000 word document took me 2 days to complete and I was quite pleased with the format and how it turned out, but the actual data I typed in the document, well that’s a different story.
Now I have actually talked to some people at my school just like you would on an everyday basis, talking about a variety of subjects. To my surprise a lot of the conversations went quite well(or so I thought) though people did seem to take interest in my CIA like behavior, with me always asking questions about what they did today, how they were doing in school(plus I was wearing sunglasses (heeeheee), ect. Despite all of the conversations I had however, I was never able to form any REAL friendships after class, I see all the people I talked to with their actual friends and they were all happy and here I was still lonely as ever just a typical day in my life. They did not seem to like it when I was talking to them so I felt a bit rejected from that. Basketball class was also bad, I thought I was going to play my first basketball ball game on a professional level in the class I usually practice on my shooting accuracy on the other side of the court, of course everyone wanted me not to play(I was the only one not chosen who requested ssooooooooo ^_^), so by popular demand I decided not to play, hehehe…
The only time I can talk to someone about stuff other than school related topics is only to myself….. I have to talk to myself on a daily basis to find some way of social release since that is what we all need as humans. Now that is essentially what is going on in my life right now. Still can’t get friends to save my life ^_^. I just feel like a mere outcast in this world…… I would type more but I think I will cover part 2 tomorrow I want to stick to the one post per person per day routine…. Stay tuned.
Part 2 will explain/clarify any confusion you might encounter while reading this post.