Well, hello again. Not completely sure what I want to say to be honest. I guess, firstly, thank you to those who read my last post, and to those who commented, I’m sorry I didn’t reply to any of you. I wanted to but I didn’t feel up to it for some reason. Anyway, yet again I have something I would like to share.
So, my parents went away on some trip for 4 days. My youngest brother and I got to stay home alone, whilst my other brother went to our grandparents. Anyway, my little brother (let’s call him John for now) and I had a good time. And it’s been the first time in a while I’ve not felt like complete shit constantly. I wasn’t exactly happy but I wasn’t feeling too horrible. We spent our time eating and binge watching television. It was good spending time with just him. He’s so innocent and good. The last 2 nights, after he went to bed I felt pretty shitty so I went and just drank a bit. It felt nice. It’s been so long since I’ve had a decent amount of alcohol. Overall, I wasn’t that bad. But then this afternoon, my parents got home. No more than 10 seconds after the door opened, my mother began complaining about what a mess we’d made of the place. I have no idea what she was on about. We’d done our dishes, cleaned up everything and the place was fine. Then she began nagging at me because I hadn’t helped John do his homework. All I had done was forgotten about it. It’s not my fault I have a terrible memory. If someone tells me something I’ll probably forget it 5 minutes later. After that, both our parents went out for a while. I cleaned up a wee bit after they left and I thought about how shit I was feeling. And as I began walking to my room to get my knife and cut my flesh once more, the car pulled into the driveway.
So, now I lay here on my bed, feeling terrible once more. I know my mother did not mean to hurt me and it’s such a little thing but now I just feel shit. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But so often they just get me down. Long story short, I feel like shit once again after an alright few days. I’m not even sure why I decided to write this. I guess I just want to share it for some silly reason. Anyway, I hope everyone is alright. Love you all and stay awesome.
1 comment
It was really unfair of your mum to ignore the fact that you did a good job. No wonder it hurt you. She was probably mad at herself because really she knows that you forget everything (she is your mum, she knows this). So she was probably meaning to put post it notes up saying ”homework!” but she didn’t. She could also have called or messaged and checked John had done his homework but she didn’t (right?). Maybe she didn’t want to go on the trip and wants to prove to your dad that she was right by finding fault. Maybe the trip was a total stress for her and she was in a totally bad mood. Still it was unfair and your feelings are valid.