I’m scared. I feel I’m getting close to do it. And I’m afraid. I don’t want to leave. I could have a long life. I just have to endure for more 10 months. But I can’t. It’s too much anxiety and stress. I’m starting to hear that I have to be better, I have to do more and to speak more. I’m trying but I’m not good enough and I will never be. Every criticism, every fail breaks my heart.
I went to bought one more bottle of pills, but it was sold out. I don’t know if I have pills enough to kill myself but I don’t care. Maybe part of me want to fail the attempt. Maybe I just want to receive help and take a time to rest. But if I survive I would be ashamed to speak to my parents again. It would be really embarrassing.
I don’t want to die so early. I have many things I wanted to do. But I’m too weak to continue. I’m too fragile. I can’t handle being a disappointment.
I’m scared.
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2 comments
Did you manage to tell your therapist about your suicidal thoughts?
I did not tell him and the next appointment isn’t for another two weeks.
And now I had a really stupid idea.