It’s starting to dawn on me that I’m not really capable of the whole ‘human interaction’ thing. Even online.
I just can’t seem to ever talk naturally, without being incredibly self-conscious. Everything I say feels fake and contrived, even when I’m trying to be genuine. It’s like I’m not really human – just some kind of defective robot trying to copy behavior but getting it wrong.
I just need to stop being me. Stop thinking these defective thoughts. Be normal. Do normal things. Not constantly question everything. Stupid brain. Thinking dumb thoughts. You go shhh now.
The problem is me. Everything about the way I think. But how to change it. Whenever I think I’m trying to change, all I really end up doing is following the same old patterns. Because it’s the same dumb mind that’s trying to do it. Everything that makes sense to me, that seems a good way forward, is just another part of the brokeness.
Fuck it, I need a personality transplant.
6 comments
I think the general populace of SP is a better judge of your online socialization than you are.
Shall we put it to a vote?
I vote you express yourself well within the continuum of normal human responses.
Thanks, but that’s not how it feels.It’s not a problem with expression so much as one of emotion. It’s like I can’t really connect or invest in anything – it all just feels weird and artificial. And in real life it’s worse. I can’t find a way to say anything that feels meaningful to anyone. It’s all just empty pleasantries. I feel like everyone just tolerates me – that they feel sorry for me, rather than actually liking me.
Mirror problems.
I agree with SeeSmith
@thehusk, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’d be shocked at how many people are just surface with nothing under it. I think you dive rather deep my friend. Mirror Problems. Yup.
Never heard that phrase before. Are mirror problems kind of like projection? As in seeing your own motives in other people when they’re not there? Or does it mean something totally different?