I have been trying for years to look deep inside myself in search of some kind of humanly feelings. All I have find is hollow and empty nothingness. There is a deep hollow void in my heart that cant be filled by anything.
Yes, I smile I laugh, but those are all just fake. I have perfected it over the years. Fake emotions.
There is also some darkness lurking inside of me. I have kept that dark flame in me at bay for quite some time, but now, I feel like Im losing that battle. Im getting darker and darker by the day.
It scares some people when they realise Im not really as sweet as I seem to portray myself. They think Im sweet *evil laugh* No one will ever know or understand me.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
8 comments
I just wanted to let you know I read your post. I don’t have any answers. But I thought it important to tell you.
Right now, the emptiness consumes me. Im trying to bring myself back without hurting myself. Its kinda not working ;(
The fact that you feel like you are losing a battle with your inner darkness means you have emotions.
If you were emotionless, if you were truly empty, you wouldn’t care whether the darkness came out or not.
Do you have a hole inside you? No doubt. Cutting isn’t a weekend hobby.
So how do you think you got this way? When did you first cut?
I have been depressed since I was 14. That’s when I started hurting myself. I wanted to see blood and feel something (pain) whenever the emptiness arose.
I have violent tendencies or urges. That’s the darkness Im referring to. When I feel this empty, my violent urges rise. I usually hurt myself, but now I think they are directed at people. I have these really dark fantasies. They calm me down. But now, fantasies are just not doing it.
Roughly sketching random scribbles can supply some amount of satisfaction. For a short time, at least.
Ive been doing that actually. My school book is filled with those and they caught the attention of my classmates. Thats how they discovered my deep seated darkness.
Someone took my book and started passing it around for everyone to see. That really pissed me off. It took a lot for me to walk away from that and not react.
How rude. I’m glad you’re reaction was more respectable than their actions deserved.