I just about cried a few minutes ago while playing video games, because I realized that I am too socially awkward to be able to talk to people, that I’ve never met and never will meet, through game chat and I can barely work up the courage to post or comment on this site. An anonymous site. What is wrong with me?
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If you don’t mind me asking: How old are you?
17 in 2 weeks
You’re gonna be fine. Start with just socializing with any kind and respectful soul in real life. Don’t worry about how cool they are or anything like that.
I find that socializing in the real world is a skill. And like any skill un-used or unpracticed, it gets dull.
That’s some good advice. Thank you October Rain
I used to be unable to talk online. Lately my anxiety has been worse and it’s started causing problems even when I talk to people anonymously online (including on SP). That’s the word I’d use: anxiety. I’ve had it for such a long time that I never really thought I could get rid of it, but I’ve heard a lot of stories since then of people getting various kinds of help and putting it behind them. It’s a huge struggle and it involves a lot of suffering and can seem like it’ll never end, but people recover. Don’t think it’s just you and that’s the way you are. It can change.
That happens. I remember crying to myself at times when i used to play videogames (or watch movies) at around your age… and well, some years after as well. The socializing part… well, it’s like any skill, you have to work on it to make it really work. I’d lie if i said that i’m good at it, but at least i can hide my awkwardness (as you call it) long enough to keep a decent conversation with someone. Try small steps (as in engaging small talk with people when possible) and go from there… sure, it’s going to be hard, but it can be done on the long run. FTR, you’re really not alone on this.
A: social anxiety.
Did you have some event that caused you to lose friends like new school, new town? Or you really really really never ever had any friends – even in grade school?
Don’t worry about crying, awkwardness, courage… all that is fixable.
What games do you play? I assume you have a console ’cause nobody uses PCs anymore.
Ah. I remember you now. We have to do whatever is necessary to get you in shape to leave the godforsaken town you live in.
Did you know the bibles in your local church have the words “No Forwarding Address” stamped in them?
You’re a junior, correct?
I’ve generally always had a reasonable size group of friends, until the start of this year. My best friend was being mean so we stopped being friends and after that I realized all the people I hung out with were just really fake and I hated it. So I just kinda went off on my own. But I’ve only really been awkward and nervous in social situations since I started high school.
No I actually play on my pc. I prefer pc’s. I play some mainstream stuff like Minecraft and Counter Strike. But among the 50 games I have on pc, my favorites would have to be the Borderlands franchise and Skyrim.
I’d love to leave my town but I have no idea where else I’d go. It’s sort of the only place I’ve ever known, which really sucks.
I did not know that. Never been to church
I’m a senior at high school. Next year is my last year at high school (I’m from New Zealand so our school year starts in February).
Oh NZ. OK. Getting you out of there is prob easier than some crappy US small town.
Don’t worry about never getting outside of your town. Look at it this way: all places are equally frightening to you, so going to Paris or Prague or Singapore is as scary as Sydney. This is a plus.
Now the bad news: those fake friends of yours you left behind, the probably weren’t fake, they were genuine idiots. What happened is somewhere along the line your head was messed with and you started confusing random stupidity with deliberate emptiness.
Or I’m projecting all this, but I don’t think so. I went through the same thing when I was 30 (late bloomer) and I regretted it. Some friends aren’t good all-around friends but they’re good enough to keep contact with because sometimes you want to do things together and the more people you practice your social skills with, the better you social skills become.
So how does university work on your island? Do you get some sort of free education or is it like the US where you have to traffic in black market organs to pay for school?
Also, if you see Peter Jackson please punch him in the balls for what he did to The Hobbit.
That’s a good point, they might not have been fake. But they’re just people I don’t really like. They bully people, they stab each other’s backs and I just didn’t fit in with them. That’s the problem. I barely fit in anywhere.
With university the majority of people take out a student loan. All course fees get paid for, 1000NZD (about 750USD) toward books etc, and I think 7000NZD (around 5000USD) towards living expenses. That’s all for one year. The money you owe starts coming off your salary once you start earning over a certain income. But the $7000 isn’t really enough. That would cover about half the living expenses.
But I loved The Hobbit! I thought it was awesome
OK. I didn’t know they were thugs. I thought they were just asshats.
Welp, you really need to get into Uni AND not crash into severe depression once you get there.
I STRONGLY suggest taking all fun classes the first half year you are in school. Do stuff that’s super enjoyable to keep you from hiding in your room.
My first year of college I took kendo, fencing, fantasy as literature, sci-fi as literature, calculus, astronomy, history of physical science, and drafting. Drafting was ass. Why do some shit by hand a computer printer can do better?
Anyway, I rarelyissec a class.
*rarely missed a class
…I’d kick him in his daddy-bags just for the sake of it. Okay, maybe because of his horrible hair. Yeah. But I couldn’t stand The Hobbit movies.
@OP — Small town NZ you say? What, like Ngunguru? Waiouru? Taihape? Aramoana? I’m up in Auckland but I’ve been all over this show so I’m bound to know where you’re at. Nice to see another local on here, and good choice in platform/games.
Wherever you are, I hope the weather is better there than up here. I’m fuckin’ frying.
Chur bro.
I’m in Marlborough. Top of the South Island. And thank you.
It’s been overcast here today which is good for a change. I can’t stand the heat. Anything over 25° is too hot for me
Speak of the non-tazmanian devil!
OMG they’re speaking Celsius. How adorable!
J/K
…such a lust for imperialism.
Why d’you Spams still use that system of measurement anyway? Thank goodness your milit’ry doesn’t, otherwise that’d cause even more blue-on-blue incidents.
Well, originally, American scientists spoke metric as a way to finding each other in the dark. One day some hillbilly demagogue figured this out and had all the scientists stoned. Now we measure the speed of light in miles per hour (approx 60) and keep our mouths shut.
Ahh… Marlborough! The Sounds! Blenheim! I fuckin’ love it there! Also spent some time at RNZAF Base Woodbourne a few years back for part of an exercise — I ate all their banana cake whilst waiting for my ride out.
Agreed on the heat thing, and glad you’ve had some reprieve. So… Is there anything this former POGUE can do to render assistance?
The people around you are fake because you are not yourself around them. Try to be more vulnerable and people might open up to you. Watch this TED-Talk. It had a huge impact on my life and anxieties. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
Oh, and don’t be friends with assholes. It’s better to be alone than around assholes.
Also try to concentrate more on yourself even when you’re talking to people. To me it always felt like my energy leaked all over the place. When that happens I imagine drawing my energy and attention back into myself.
There’s nothing wrong with you, but you need to stop judging yourself and others, that will make life much better.
You could read http://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1448825085&sr=8-2&keywords=psycho+cybernetics
I know the title sounds weird, but it’s actually really good.