The mind-numbing monotony of my life is driving me fucking insane. I feel like a dead person already.
How many days of my life have I wasted doing nothing? I don’t want to think about it.
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I can’t fucking feel anything.
Scratch that. Anything but rabid restlessness.
Hey I haven’t asked but are you in high school or college or did you graduate? I’m too disorganize to go back and check all the past posts and starting a spreadsheet with all this crap tracking everyone seems stalkerish and weird, even for me.
I’ll be graduating highschool in June. If I live that long.
Are you in art classes?
No. Next semester, though, I have ceramics. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t think creatively anymore. I can’t feel.
Draw me a picture of D . It doesn’t even have to be good. Have you ever drawn pictures of these awful things that stalk you?
I used to draw things that no one would see then I would rip them up, or flush them down the toilet, put them in the garbage disposal. One time I made a little boat and floated it down the stream near my house and into the culvert.
The point of it was releasing it from you and finding closure, even if that closure is fifty little boats with crazy ugly scribbles in them that are being sent downstream for nature to eventually destroy them.
It is a way of working out what you are feeling and keeping that information safe. If anyone found what I drew I most likely would have been locked in my room without any drawing paper or pencils.
What do you think?
Okay. I will. I used to draw them, but I stopped. I can’t remember why.
because it made you feel better, and the one thing D doesn’t want if for you to feel better and cast him away.
“The person that does nothing can’t do any wrong.”
I know the feeling. I just decided to stop counting and “enjoy” the ride.
How does your monotony look like? Is it mostly work, or do you have some spare time for yourself? Don’t feel bad about it, especially if it is the second. It’s your free time and you are free to spend it in any way you want. Even if it would mean spending the whole weekend in a comfy couch and watching your favorite movies. Not every day needs to include some achievement.