26th of January
They said suicide is the coward’s way out.It is the one big solution to a temporary problem.But what if the problem is permanent,will suicide be an available solution?Today I’m starting my countdown,a countdown where it will all start and at the same time end.Nobody can stop me because even I cannot stop myself.So love me,care for me,stay with me,because the last days of my life will soon be a tragic end.
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Whenever I plan to end my life I ask would anyone Care and I know my family definitely would. Would my friend care I ask i don’t think so or maybe. Deep down I don’t want to be forgotten but I don’t want scars and sorrow upon any of them even though my friends and family are the cause of my pain they mean the world to me and I live because I love them.How ever it’s known that the worst goodbyes are the ones that are never said. So you must think things heavily through. It’s always ok to say something that you don’t mean our emotions and anger get the better of us.
I don’t have a family.I lied to my friends to push them away.Why?cause I know they deserve more than me.I never wish to be forgotten but I know I will definitely be a painful loss,so I guess it’s better that people around me should leave.My end is near and I’m not sure I can stop me nor anyone would stop me.
Why is there a count down? If there is something you must take care of, shouldn’t you give it more time? So that you don’t put a timeline to things in moments of desperation?
If the problem is permanent doesn’t it mean you can get use to it and overcome it’s side effects? to learn to live with it?
I mean it, Somehow this are not rhetoric questions … just trying to understand a lot of things about a lot of things…
I support one part of this text: “So love me, care for me, stay with me…”
Going to die soon.thats why it’s a countdown,I guess.No more further things to say.Been plotting my death.And it’s near…
What stops me sometimes is this thought. What if there is something after death. Who is to say it would be any different. What if we are just stuck there in the same depressive state forever with no way out.
Suicide sometimes makes me feel like I have a way out of this place. A way to get away from these emotions that overwhelm me. But what if after its done we no longer have “a way out”.
Thought of that as well.I guess if there’s no way out,then dying is useless.There will be no end of pain.No….nothing.