I know it’s hard to take me. I have to live with me don’t I? My youth pastor and best friend are really good about dealing with my intensity, to my face anyway. But I get the sense that they are sick of hearing the same garbage with no change. Don’t they know I’m sick of feeling the same garbage every day too? I speak up every couple weeks, because I can’t take being so alone anymore. I ask for prayer not advice, and I don’t ask to talk about it. I just let them know my head isn’t right. They say they don’t know how to help, and I get that. I didn’t ask them to fix it. Is it too much though? Just to have someone else in the world know how that you’re struggling? I do it, because if no one knows then I will be more likely to hurt myself. And I know if I do that, that I’ll actually be hurting those I love more than anyone. I hate feeling like a pain. I guess to get any support you need to pay for it.
That’s why I come here. I actually have been on here for 4 years under various names. I just keep dropping off and forgetting my login information. You all get it. I wish you didn’t, for your sake, but maybe you’re the only real support that exists without a copay.
3 comments
While this, may not mean much….and please forgive me in advance…..I firmly believe that some of the most “chosen” or “meaningful” individuals are the ones that are the most tormented. So while I honestly do not have the answers that you seek in terms of this reality…..I can say with honesty, that I think you far beyond unique…that that is not a bad thing.
Please know that you are loved within this community.
That honestly does help. Thank you. Your words give me some reprieve from my anxious thoughts for the moment. I would tend to agree about tormented souls. Being unafraid to face the darkness in the world seems to bring more clarity, a greater understanding of human depth than shallow society would want us to explore. Sometimes I am afraid to lose that clarity by getting “better.”
You are loved as well. Always here if you need me.
And the same goes for you. I will always be here if you need me to be. I am not perfect for even the rising sea will tell thee that I am not. But I love deeper than most and I am most certainly here if you need me to listen or even more. Bc sadly, I understand all to well of what i’s like to be in between in the wind. And I will not let that happen here so long as I still breathe…..even if today is the first time I am seen.
Omg….I’m rhyming now I should be off to sleep…god, knows it’s been eternity….see there I go again….. I am sorry. Your words means so much to me. Ill be here even if you fall….just remember that because I know what it is like to stand alone.