How can one even want to cut? A lot of my friends ask me this and i explain to them in such detailed and dedicated way how freeing it is for me.
Cutting may not be the same for everyone, but i can still remember my first time. You know that feeling in your chest when you’re sooo upset you can’t breath. I had that but to such an extreme i was hyperventilating on my bed. The first cut was such a new and exotic feeling. It hurt but not compared to the broken heart in my chest.
The second cut got a little more exciting and then the next thing i know my arm was bleeding,but i couldn’t stop. The pain of each little sting as the blade sliced through my skin made me more and more happy almost. I was happy because i wasn’t thinking of the pain in my chest but i didn’t necessarily feel pain on my arm either. As the blood eased down my arm it was like all the pain was easing out too. The warmth of it gave me a certain kind of pleasure in a way i had never experienced. The most important thing i noticed was how my chest didn’t hurt anymore.
No one wants to resort to self harm to get over the things in our everyday lives, but sometimes it just can’t be helped. These things can so easily be turned into addictions. I know mine did.
Not only do i hope to let others be a little more educated on cutting but also it’s a shout out to those who can’t talk about their cutting problem. Message me and we can talk about it. I joined this Project to help me talk to people who understands me more.
I’ll be here for you.
3 comments
Hey! Welcome to this morbid little party we have going on here, glad you had a chance to join us, though I also hope that you get better and don’t need us.
I’m glad you had the courage and strength to explain to your friends what it feels like. I know it’s different for everyone, but in my experience, people just want to change the topic and run away when they face anything remotely related to self harm, so I applaud you for being brave enough to open up.
It’s hard to change habits, even harmful ones, when they work for you. I don’t really have much advice to offer as I’m still a wreck myself, but I just wanted to say welcome.
thank you! Finally someone gets how it feels and its able to put it in words.
I first cut when I was 15 and I still cut now and I’m 50. I did stop cutting for 6 years but that was because I was abusing IV Morphine and blood letting each time I injected. Cutting for 29 years did far less damage than the 6 years of IV drug abuse. So there are much worse addictions to have than cutting. I have no problem with cutting as it has helped me survive so far.