Do any of y’all ever get excited about the planning  as well as the aftermath considering your suicide?
I get excited. I am excited. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am.
… In one more month…
And yet I feel guilty for feeling this.
Please offer me some opinions about this.
19 comments
U planing to end it in a month ?
Yah. Birthday.
I know its horrible to do it on a birthday, but it just makes more sense to me.
Die when you’re born right?
That is pretty unique I must say may I ask the reason why iv lost the courage to try again tried twice
Sorry I didn’t quite catch that question?
I guess I can admit I really enjoyed writing the music I wanted played at my funeral.
As far as the aftermath, I don’t get excited about that. Instead it sort of frustrates me, since I know there would be tons of people who just wouldn’t understand (or respect) my choice.
It always irritates me when people don’t understand something that means a lot to me… and this would be a BIG thing they would never, ever understand.
As far as the planning… that doesn’t excite me either, since I hate pain, and all the modes currently available to me involve pain. So for now I’m kinda stuck here, trying to make the best of things.
It hasn’t been so bad, most days, trying to make the best of things.
Maybe (I hope), in another month, you will decide to stick around and spend more time with us instead.
I hope.
I feel its so difficult to find *reasons* to justify your case.
Its like, people WANT and WISH to hear how much you suffer in order for you to have a valid reasons for suicide.
But thats not the case.
Its all about coping that matters the most.
I can’t cope, I have to do this.
When I meant the aftermath, I meant the fact about being dead.
Never awake.
Only one thing brings me true fear: waking up.
Thats the only thing that makes me hesitate about suicide.
Its like, I’d rather not do it and NOT risk waking up, than risk waking up and do it.
What I hate the most is that I am only a teenager.
But I understand people are right about their thoughts, and thats why I feel I KNOW what I am doing. I KNOW things may get better. I KNOW I am young. I KNOW it takes patience. I KNOW things could be worse. I KNOW theres so much more to see, and I am rushing it.
I KNOW. I UNDERSTAND.
And yet I’m still going through with it.
No; I don’t want to wait. I don’t care if one day is better than another. I don’t want to risk things getting worse. I don’t care enough to see and experience the world. I KNOW, I UNDERSTAND. But I also KNOW my decision about it.
And thats why I feel it should be respected.
I feel most teenagers will simply be in a state or refusal or denial, “NO THINGS WILL NEVER GET BETTER, etc, etc.” But I know it can, and I can change things. Its just my decision not to, because I don’t want to risk anything getting worse or anything.
That is all…
Ok.
If you meant the aftermath of being dead, then I guess my fear is partially the opposite of yours. 🙂
You fear waking up at all, whereas I fear waking up in a world where I am still not allowed to have the things I needed so badly in this life.
I would love it if, after this life, we were brought back in a world where we could have all the love and goodness that was absent from our current existence.
I’ve said this on another post awhile back, but I’ve daydreamed about living in a tiny cottage on the seashore with a sweet husband who loves to make me laugh. He loves music as much as I do, and he plays cello. We write songs for each other. Outside the cottage is a flower bed full of stargazer lilies, and exactly one lemon tree in the yard. He and I walk hand-in-hand on the seashore, looking for beautiful seashells that the storms have washed up. I imagine my leg/ankle bone issues are all healed, and I can walk in sand without any canes or braces at all.
It seems like such a simple thing, yet I know I will never, ever get to have that in this life.
If my death really would mean the end of everything, then I’d never get to have any of that, but at least I wouldn’t know the difference.
If, on the other hand, I was to wake up in another world where it was equally obvious that I couldn’t have that simple dream come true, that world would be so miserable for me, I’d want to die all over again.
On SP, a lot of questions are regarding hell, or waking up as a ghost, or living in a world thats much worse than this.
I don’t care, really.
I just feel, as long as I am NOT living, I am fine.
And if reincarnation is the point, and I wake up as a bug or something, I wouldn’t know it.
Also, if I wake up as another person, and I wanted to kill myself, I do it again.
If I am stuck in hell or something, I figure :too bad for me.”
I am very reasonable about it all.
If life is worse after life, than too bad for me.
If I will one day be rich and happy or famous or admirable, or inspirational, or amazing or talented, or “perfect,” and I’m missing out on it, well,
Too bad for me.
It’ll have been done, and thats what happens.
I am very VERY reasonable about suicide.
I am not actin on impulse,
then again, I may not be “smart,” about the decision.
But I choose it.
The end of the end.
How old are u may I ask I feel the same way about thing may not get better or they could it’s the what ifs that’s keeping me here really but I think everyone has a choice
15, well, 16 exactly when I die.
The only things that are keeping me here is:
a.) Waking up…
b.) Having to “justify” my reasons on paper…
Argh.
Your only 16 your young man what’s brought u to this dark place when I was 16 life was cool proberly would of killed my self if I knew were I would be 10 years later but I don’t no what’s keeping me here tho
I don’t get it. If your life isnt great today, then why not end it back then? Who cares? It either stays the same or changes for the worse.
I see no hope.
I don’t want things to get worse.
I have no patience, no care about hope.
I honestly don’t no man I should have really done it last year when I hit rock bottom well I tried OD twice but woke up if things don’t get better il try again
I’m not 1 for patience either
Ya 🙂 They say that after 2 years, the feelings go away.
…
3 years at ths rate, and I don;t see it getting better after this.
I read an article that says the human brain isn’t fully developed until a person is in the mid-20’s.
mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/18/at-what-age-is-the-brain-fully-developed/
So I guess, based on that, if I was a teenager, I might think of waiting until my mid-20’s, just to see what would be different.
If nothing was different, if live was still 100% unlivable, then maybe then I’d try considering exit strategies.
Or maybe see what the 30’s were like….
Who knows?
* meant to say “life” instead of “live”.
I know about the brain thing.
This is what I meant by, “I am not ignorant about suicide, nor do I react impulsively.”
I know all about the fact that I am still just a teenager, not even an adult, and its not that I IGNORE IT. I accept it.
Same goes, I accept death, I accept suicide.
😛 Like I said, I think in my head, “Too bad for me.,” a lot.
Maybe its cuz I loathe myself…
Hello 🙂 I think is normal feel excited about your suicide because you have to plan it very well and it’s the moment that will release you from all this shit and pain and unberable world.
However, I see that people who decide for suicide and think longly about it are neutral and very calm when they talk about death.
Or it varies according to the person or by the time you became neutral because you get used to the idea.