Constant change is pretty much inevitable in life. I’ve always been really afraid of change. Therefore, constant fear seems pretty much inevitable in life. That’s one of the reasons I often feel so hopeless.
You’d think I’d have nothing to lose making a change now, given how miserable I’ve been for the past two years. Nope. I have to prepare myself for the worst, so that just in case the worst happens I won’t have some sort of breakdown. I start thinking that maybe my life now isn’t so terrible, which normally would be a good thing, except that I know as soon as the fear of change is gone I’ll go right back to thinking how terrible it is all the time. I seem incapable of facing change with a clear and open mind.
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Change change change. I i did everything I could to avoid change. Didn’t change for like 5 years. Nothing. Maybe I was getting older and smarter, but nothing in my life was really changing.
I’m doing better now. I finally got over the hump.
“I seem incapable of facing change with a clear and open mind.”
You don’t need a clear and open mind, just throw yourself in. That’s what I’ve learned. Because if I just kept waiting on me to be comfortable enough to change it would have never happened.
Yeah, honestly it’s not the change itself that bothers me as much as the anticipation of it. Once I actually make the change I’m usually OK, but in the days/weeks leading up to it I tend to be a wreck.