As always, I’ve been thinking too much. If I didn’t think as much and as deeply as I do I’m certain I wouldn’t be suicidal and I’d be a much happier person. But I can see the truth about myself and it’s going to make me kill me.
I used to be better than this. I’ve been slowly declining over several years but it was only a little over a year ago when I started to realize there was a time limit on my facade of success. It has been a torturously slow spiral but sometimes I can feel the way it will speed up until I lose everything all at once. And I do deserve to die, because the cause of this decline is me and only me. There is no outside cause for me being the way I am. And isn’t it better to go out while people can still remember me in a light of moderate success than to wait until I’m finally unable to hide the abomination within?
2 comments
4beyondhelp,
Yes thinking to much turns into “dwelling” when you dwell thing’s seem worse over and over, be careful about speed up until I lose everything, because you will and may change your mind and life will be just that much more fucked up, experience talking here! Think about this you are what you think about, SO…. Stop dwelling it becomes a self fulling prophecy.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.