I may overpost because i have no means to overdose

The bitter loneliness and anger of ugliness. I makes me insane. I hate hearing about people’s relationships good or bad. Especially bad. I hate being permanently friendless and alone. I hate working yet another job that makes me miserable. I hate that i was born. I hate i can’t just die now and end it all. I hate that i hate so much and am so hopeless. I hate all the reminders of the fact that i live in a world of misery by myself and always have and always will. I hope i will be able to get a gun soon. I hope that I show myself enough mercy to end my life. I’m tired of saying i and me. Just let me have a heart attack and die. So the lonely misery can end. So the lifelong depression can end. So the self identity of ugliness and loneliness as nomalcy can end. And the fleeting concept of peace can be a permanent reality for me. Who ever said suicide was a permanent solution for a temporary problem assumed the problem was temporary and that there were other solutions. I think what sickens me the most is no one cares about your death unless you are famous, attractive or both. Looking up suicides the stories are always about happy pretty people who had so much to live for. What about ugly miserable losers like me who have a much higher rate of suicide.