I don’t consider myself a poet but……..

Here’s a poem I wrote months ago during a particularly dark time.

A Life Not Worth Living

I sit here in silence with no reason left to care.

A life not worth living … that is my life I swear.

I started a process, a journey, a little while ago.

I call it the difficult process of trying to let go.

You look at your life, all the experiences up to now,

and you wonder how you got through it all asking, “Really…how?”

You’ve reached out to family for love and support,

but instead of their help, you get a nasty retort.

They say to make lifestyle changes, your problems aren’t their fault.

They call you names and make hideous accusations and you think, “What is this assault?”

You’ve been there for them all the time, for what it didn’t matter,

but now you need their help this time but your idea of family is now shattered.

So you sit still in silence with no family to care.

A life not worth living is a life with no family there.

So you think, “I have friends. I’ll reach out to them instead.”

After all they say they love you and worry. Atleast that’s what they’ve said.

You contact them and try hard to make plans to get together,

but you soon realize  that these friends are just those of fair weather.

They’re too busy, self-absorbed, with so many other things to do.

How quickly they forget all the times you’ve helped THEM when they needed you.

You realize at this time these friendships have to end.

In your loneliness and despair, you now know, you were always the better friend.

So you sit, still in silence, with no friends left to care.

A life not worth living is a life with no friends there.

Alone you sit remembering all the times you asked God to get you out of this.

“Pray to him.” “Have faith in him.”,  that is what they’ve said. He’s supposed to help you out of this abyss.

But time and time he’s let you down, no faith in him you feel or have left.

For all your prayers have gone unanswered and all you feel now is bereft.

So you sit in silence pondering now, deeply below the surface, the meaning of your life, the why, and what exactly is the purpose?

But all that answers is the silence around you. No answers are you given. And with no answer found you ask , “What’s the sense of living?”

There you sit in silence with no purpose left to care.

For a life not worth  living is a life with no purpose there.

So you tie the rope tightly, slipping  the noose around your neck.

There’s only one thing left to do and that’s to step off the upper deck.

You do and there you hang in silence. No life left in you to care.

Your life was not worth living ……     so now you are no longer there.